It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Hump Date

Ha! I got you there didn't I? You thought I was going to write about some tawdry sexual liaison! But I'm not going to. That only resulted once after an online date and there was pot involved and it's hardly worth repeating here. Let it just be said that Sergio was about 6 feet tall and a buck twenty sopping wet. He was my very first booty call and it went on for a couple months though I would hardly say it was a relationship. He picked me up at my apartment which is a huge no-no. I'm lucky I lived to tell the tale. Then he took me to Downtown L.A. to an all but forgotten old-school diner and then back to his place for a little Nightmare Before Christmas viewing. The rest is for the birds but that was the one and only time I thought that perhaps not everyone on the internet looking for love was a serial murderer rapist carnie psycho.
Now that I started writing about these craigslist dates I find it harder and harder to remember them... I'm famous for my short term memory so I hope you all weren't too looking forward for disaster tales.
The last time I tried internet dating was sometime last year I think. I met someone off of Friendster and truly believed he might be normal. He suggested we meet at a quaint little restaurant in the lobby of a hotel up in Ventura. I'd been told it was a somewhat nice place so I put some slacks and heels on and tried to pretty myself up by avoiding the jeans. I was the first one to arrive at the restaurant and when my "date" showed up he was wearing a hugely oversized, wrinkled and faded sweatshirt reminiscent of what I wear when I'm at home on a winter's night surrounded by hankies because I've been blowing my nose for hours. He hardly looked like he'd even bathed or did laundry for our rendezvous. Whatever. Dinner conversation was fine and the food was delicious but when the check came he didn't even motion to pay for it. It was up to me to suggest we split it down the middle. What a gentleman. Ask a girl to dinner and you don't even foot the bill. Nice. As we walked out of the restaurant it was pretty late and dark outside and I said, "Oh, are you going to walk me to my car?" His response? "Actually, I'm parked on the other side so no..." And they say chivalry is dead.


  • At 09:24, Blogger exile said…

    well, yeah, internet dating usually sucks.

    there are a lot of people out there lying about them selves thinking you're going to see "their inner beauty" once you meet them in person. this usually doesn't happen.

    i've got plenty of war stories from internet dating, but also from regular dating. (like the chick with a fiance...)

    all i can say is that there are psychos everywhere, from bars to book stores.

    just remember, everyone that is looking for someone on the internet is looking there for a damn good reason. you have to find someone who's looking there for the same reasons you are.

  • At 09:24, Blogger exile said…

    now, back to this "tawdry sexual liaison"

  • At 09:41, Blogger Coodence said…

    Love it. I remember this one. Of course. I mean, I remember all of them. My favorite is the carnie, referenced below.

    Don't forget "the fox," he was a good one, too.


  • At 09:53, Blogger Shora said…

    I miss "gentlemen", the type that open your car door and always make sure they're walking on the traffic side of the sidewalk, just in case a Studebaker goes by and splashes a puddle of mud up on your gingham dress. The good old days. My dad is one of those guys... God love 'im.

  • At 11:49, Blogger exile said…

    shora- i "gentlemen" the shit out the bitches and they're all "cracker please"

  • At 13:51, Blogger Sassy One said…

    Such a charmer. It's a wonder he doesn't have women beating down his door.

  • At 14:36, Blogger Dark Damian said…

    Sassy, I'm SURE there's beating going on, but it's happening from the inside part of his door.

    And the word "off" comes right behind the beatings.

  • At 09:04, Blogger Foto Man said…

    what a loser . no wonder nobody washes and iron his clothes much less give him a bath !


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