It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Closing Out Themed Days With Haiku Friday

It's sweater weather
Leaves changing from green to red
Getting dark early
***
Halloween's so close
Then there are birthdays galore
Newborn baby too
***
Soon's hockey season
Dodgers in the World Series
A girl can dream right?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Half Nekked Thursday


Crazy Asian Tattoo with a Parasol to Boot
Have a very HHNT!!!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Saved By The Bell. Nice.


Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?
Don't you think for one minute that I didn't watch the whole 2 hours of the E! True Hollywood Story about Saved By The Bell, ok? Because I did. And I can boast that I actually saw Screech in line for Splash Mountain at Disneyland once. He was wearing those weird workout pants adorned with many colors and patterns. He really appeared to be on hallucinogens but I'm not here to judge. WTF happened to the good old days when Saturday morning TV meant something?

Writer's Block Wednesday

It seems like many of my "blogger buddies" have ceased and desisted (is that a word?) when it comes to regular posting. Maybe I'm a bit of an ego-maniac for posting nearly every day even though I know that my life is mediocre at best but I just love it when I click on those little links and see a new post. Reading about their lives helps me get through these 8 hours at work and quite frankly I think all of those peeps are super nice, interesting and funny. So I asked the currently-on-hiatus Macca for a topic to write about today because quite frankly I'm stumped. All my life has consisted of lately is work, school and nephew-centered talk so there you have it. Now on with the show:

A Moment Where I May Have Seen Someone Naked By Accident
By
Randi
I actually posted this as a less wordy comment over on The Churning but there's a good chance some of you haven't read it so you get it now. The topic of discussion over there was naked neighbors. They were lucky enough to get a couple of young hot chicks next door that liked to do naked things in front of their windows together. Mmm... lesbians. My tale goes a little differently. My bedroom in the house I grew up in looked over into the neighbors' yard and my window pretty much faced into an identical window in their house. During my youth, Stevie lived across from me. He was my first crush I think. Because his sister Amy was my babysitter who once had a party in my folks' house and stole mom's jewelry and drank dad's booze, he was always around. There were many nights that I would lie in the dark under my covers and totally spy on him from my room. I'm sure he must have seen me. I'd giggle with glee when he'd bounce on his bed and all the dumb shit pre-teens do. Those were innocent times.
Then Stevie's family moved away and a couple of old fogeys took root in their home. They weren't nearly as fun. Or so we thought. One night before I went to bed I looked into the new neighbor's yard and saw there was a party under way. Bright lights, people in the pool... but wait! They were naked! Naked and drinking cocktails and swimming. And they were OLD!!! Never in my short life had I seen anything like that before. Those parties continued for the length of their stay in that home, with me and my little brother playing peeping Tom every time. Looking back, I'm a bit ashamed because why did I want to see old balls and saggy tits? Nevertheless, it's a memory I won't soon forget.
The End
Please feel free to leave your topic suggestions in the comment box. Your feedback is much appreciated.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Ten For Tuesday

Thanks, Shora.

  1. I have a hard time saying the words multiple sclerosis. It generally ends up sounding like multiplerscrosis.
  2. My second toe is longer than the big toe by a smidge. I hear that's a sign of genius.
  3. When I found out my nephew will have another auntie in the form of Frannis's sister-in-law I was devastated. I think it's because I only have 1 uncle and I worship him.
  4. I count my steps in increments of 8 when I exercise or go up stairs or walk long distances but mostly when I'm alone.
  5. If there are two light switches, say in a hallway, and one of them is up when the light is off, I have to flip them so that the switch will be down.
  6. My prescription eyeglasses are not that strong but if I don't wear them I squint and don't want wrinkles so I wear them even though they're not totally necessary.
  7. I kind of get off when people tell me "You don't look 29! I thought you were maybe 25!"
  8. I have zero aspirations to be anything specific "when I grow up" yet I'm pursuing a bachelor's degree.
  9. Musical accompaniment is very important to me so I have the radio or a CD playing at almost all times.
  10. Currently, more than anything, I would like to be a Pussycat Doll - able to sing, dance, and wear trendy ugly clothes but make them look hot because I'm slender and muscular.

Tag, BFF. You're it.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Melancholy Monday

Slightly hungover.
My homework is not done.
Textbook hasn't even been cracked.
I have a paper due in less than 8 hours that has barely been started.
Baby shower left me wondering if I'll be barren forever.
No vacay in the works.
I'm 29 and I'm rocking a hickey. On my neck.
Back on Weight Watchers today in a serious way.
Stocked up on 2 weeks worth of diet food at the market over the weekend.
Could only fit in 1 out of 12 size 10 pants I tried on. At least I'm still fitting in a medium shirt.

Good news is I bought a Calvin Klein cashmere peacoat for $100 off the ticket price. Retail therapy indeed.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Ah-Nee-Maaaahl

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!"

Wrap It Up Haiku

Fires burning the hills
Vehicular was serviced
Sits covered with ash
***
A shower Sunday
For my soon to be nephew
Ethan? I'm ready!
***
Dating disasters
Andy Fox and his ninjas
Ahhhh... some other time

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Artsy HNT

Showing off the new earrings and chair...
and a helluva collarbone if I do say so myself. Ha!

Happy HNT

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Hump Date

Ha! I got you there didn't I? You thought I was going to write about some tawdry sexual liaison! But I'm not going to. That only resulted once after an online date and there was pot involved and it's hardly worth repeating here. Let it just be said that Sergio was about 6 feet tall and a buck twenty sopping wet. He was my very first booty call and it went on for a couple months though I would hardly say it was a relationship. He picked me up at my apartment which is a huge no-no. I'm lucky I lived to tell the tale. Then he took me to Downtown L.A. to an all but forgotten old-school diner and then back to his place for a little Nightmare Before Christmas viewing. The rest is for the birds but that was the one and only time I thought that perhaps not everyone on the internet looking for love was a serial murderer rapist carnie psycho.
Now that I started writing about these craigslist dates I find it harder and harder to remember them... I'm famous for my short term memory so I hope you all weren't too looking forward for disaster tales.
The last time I tried internet dating was sometime last year I think. I met someone off of Friendster and truly believed he might be normal. He suggested we meet at a quaint little restaurant in the lobby of a hotel up in Ventura. I'd been told it was a somewhat nice place so I put some slacks and heels on and tried to pretty myself up by avoiding the jeans. I was the first one to arrive at the restaurant and when my "date" showed up he was wearing a hugely oversized, wrinkled and faded sweatshirt reminiscent of what I wear when I'm at home on a winter's night surrounded by hankies because I've been blowing my nose for hours. He hardly looked like he'd even bathed or did laundry for our rendezvous. Whatever. Dinner conversation was fine and the food was delicious but when the check came he didn't even motion to pay for it. It was up to me to suggest we split it down the middle. What a gentleman. Ask a girl to dinner and you don't even foot the bill. Nice. As we walked out of the restaurant it was pretty late and dark outside and I said, "Oh, are you going to walk me to my car?" His response? "Actually, I'm parked on the other side so no..." And they say chivalry is dead.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Arrrrrrrrgh!


Ahoy, me scurvy mateys. Today be talk like a pirate day.
There be no tales of sailors done me wrong 'til 'morrow.
It be grog and Goonies for me.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Disaster Date, Part Deux

I may have led you on there on the last post that the date I wrote about had some sort of continuation. That would be a negative, good buddy. I never saw hide nor hair of that poor sap again. Call me "thallow" but that's the way I roll.
Next up was another LIAR who sent me some very artistic interpretation photographs of himself. Again, this is L.A. so it can't be a standard shot, it has to be an 8x10 glossy. He mentioned he was bald but it looked like he was one of those guys that are going bald and decide to cue-ball it so it wasn't like I was concerned about his hair loss as much as he was. Plus, I was trying not to judge a book by its cover and gave it the old college try. We agreed to meet at Universal City Walk. Tip #2 after only meeting for drinks? Always meet in a public place... and take separate cars for the love of Pete.
So I arrive at City Walk and I'm searching high and low to find this guy, thinking I'm too early or he's a no show. Turns out he was right next to me the whole time. And why didn't I see him? It's because he didn't resemble his pictures in the least. In front of me stood a man that had the largest bald head I've ever seen, almost alien-like. And the clincher? He's a good 3 inches shorter than me. And he was wearing THE WORST baby vomit green 70s style polyester jacket, hipster before hipster became the infectious disease it is now. But at this point I'd already committed so we went to dinner. Will I never learn?
During dinner, awkward at best what with the incessant rambling about every aspect of his life while I silently listened, gazing in awe at the enormity of his cranium, he suggested we go and see the movie Punch Drunk Love seeing as there is a theater at City Walk. I figured I was out already out for the night, might as well make the best of it, so off to the movie we went. As we were watching the previews a rambunctious group of people sitting next to us and speaking in their outside voices started getting a little too loud for my liking so I leaned over and nicely asked if they could keep it down a bit. Cue all hell breaking loose.
The entirely too inebriated man I'd hushed stood up out of his chair and proceeded to call me every obscenity in the book on the top of his lungs. Basically telling ME to shut the fuck up, in no uncertain terms. I cowered in my seat wondering how I'd provoked such a response, how long my berating would go on and would I be stabbed to death over the whole thing... all the while waiting and waiting for my "date" to maybe take this opportunity to stand up to the crazy cursing drunk and protect my ass. It never happened. After the boozer decided to sit down and shut up to watch the movie, I looked over at the douchebag I was with to say, with a terrified tremble in my voice, "Ohmygod can you believe that guy?" to which he responded, "Yah... what happened?" AS IF HE WASN'T EVEN THERE!!!
Needless to say, we didn't have a second date.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Dating Disaster

I was browsing the blogs of others and found there seems to be a recurrent theme lately of tragic online dating experiences. When my ex and I broke up I had just moved to Korea Town and had no intention of being alone so I stumbled upon the craigslist personal ads. In hindsight, always 20/20, I should have known that Mr. Right wouldn't be found in the same place you could find cheap furniture and casual sex posts but I was young and naive and quite frankly didn't give a shit. So I posted a very asexual ad saying I was new to town and wanted to meet some new people. That innocent post got me upwards of 50 emails and the next thing I knew I was corresponding with total strangers, weeding out potential psychos, asking for pictures and setting up dates. Me doing something like that was unheard of at the time. I wonder if the online dating stone would have been better left unturned.
One thing I learned is that people LIE. Lie like crazy. They send you outdated pictures as if you're not actually going to meet the person face to face and be able to determine that they've gained 50 pounds and lost all their hair. It's tragic. Another thing is I'm very up front with how tall I am because I've found that not a lot of men are much taller than my 5'8" stature and quite frankly I like a guy that I can look up to. Maybe that's shallow but to each their own as to whom you are attracted to right?
So I thought I'd take a stroll down memory lane and post some of my more memorable experiences:

I decided to meet a guy in front of a bar up the street, sight unseen. That was the first and last time I met someone without exchanging photos. When he strolled up I believed there had to have been some mistake. He was no taller than 5'5 (if he was lucky), had hair that was parted in the middle, slicked down to his ears only to cascade into a nappy bunch of shoulder-length curls. He was NOT attractive by society's standards and for a moment there I thought he might have been a carnie. He also had a tragic lisp that had me completely unable to focus on the story he was telling me about being familiar with Wee Man of Jackass fame; it was L.A. after all. And oddly enough, not only must he have not felt like removing his jacket at the table, he also took an inordinate amount of time removing his hands from his pockets. After a while I started to wonder if he was deformed or maybe had hooks on the ends of his arms. Needless to say, it was a disaster. We'd decided on dinner (Never do this! Always drinks first!) so I ordered water and a side salad and when the check came I realized I had forgotten my wallet. I apologized profusely because I had fully intended on going Dutch when he responded, "thath ok, you juth get it neckth time." Not a snowball's chance in hell. When I went back to my car I had to pay to exit the parking structure and actually wrote a check for $1. All in all, an amazing night.

To be continued...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Saturday Smokey Sunset Shots



Friday, September 15, 2006

Hungover Haiku

Happy hour last night
Three margaritas later
9 o'clock bedtime
***
Smell what the Rock is cooking
That's my plan tonite
***
As for this weekend
Really need to buckle down
Homework to be done

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Jamama HNT


I can't seem to want to stop sleeping so you get the monkey pajama shot. Sweet dreams and Happy HNT

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Art History 101

Tonight I have a Chicano Art History class so I thought I'd give a shout out to my favorite artist, Mark Ryden. He is, however, neither Chicano nor Historical. Discuss amongst yourselves. If you haven't seen his work before I highly recommend taking a look at the galleries. He uses a lot of meat and iconic imagery like Abe Lincoln and The Colonel, famous for his chicken. My personal favorite is Saint Barbie but he also has a couple great portraits of Christina Ricci and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So there you have it. Check it out.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Jebus

The image above is a penguin doll painted to resemble our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Please take note of the stigmata. Those of you that know me are well aware that I am obsessed with collecting kitschy Catholic paraphernalia so naturally I purchased this little guy at a very affordable price considering it is custom made. So, if you find yourself in the market for a penguin that looks like a pirate or a rubber ducky please go here and support my friend, Neighbor George, who also happens to be going down in history as Little George's creator. Check out that photo album. It's sad when a doll has been more places than you, isn't it?

On The Road Again

My doppelgänger (she's Mandy Ann, I'm Randi Anne. We're both Tauruses and we both drive VW Beetles... long story) and I had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Willie Nelson in concert on Sunday night, my second time in 4 years. And how was that for a word-of-the-day? It's basically fancy German for a person with the same name as you. ANYhoo... Willie played the Hollywood Bowl, where I had never been before, with his sister on piano and his sons playing back-up instruments. It wasn't quite as cozy of a venue as the last show, at the very intimate Wiltern Theater (down the street from my old pad in Korea Town) but it was still a rockin' good time. He must be tired of singing those same old songs because a lot of the time it felt like he was "phoning it in" and the crowd couldn't match his rhythm to sing along. His newer stuff was hilarious though and he really put his heart into it. I have but one complaint and that is a concert tee that sold for the face value of a ticket. 'Splain please...
Opening for Willie Nelson & Family was Neko Case and Ryan Adams. I would probably purchase the former's album because she had a lovely and unusual voice I wouldn't mind have playing in the background if I had a wine tasting or a few people over for dinner. And she looked like Julianne Moore's half-sister. The latter, however, thought it was his concert rather than Willie's and proceeded to turn his performance into some sort of godawful jam session with lengthy guitar solos that bored me to tears. Killing me. He also strongly resembled a dark-haired David Spade. Not that that has anything to do with the price of tea in China but hey...
Also killing me? Fucking people on the gee-damn phone sending text messages during the performances. Ok, bitch, it's totally dark out and all I can see is the blinding screen of your cell phone. I don't know wtf is so important you need to have that open for 45 straight minutes but you're lucky I didn't reach down in front of me and pull your hair. I hate you.
It was so refreshing to see Hollywoodland in the theater and to have the audience know that it's a grown-up movie and it was quiet time. No cell phones. No seat kicking. No blabbering. Just the dead quiet sound of listening. Listening with your EARS and not your MOUTH. Sigh. It was delicious. If only that moment could apply to every movie and every concert. I would be one happy lady. Common courtesy, folks. It's not too much to ask for. You're not the only person in the world, contrary to whatever it is you believe. Enjoy the photos!

The Hollywood Bowl - Day and Night
Sneaky Pics: A Kentucky Waterfall & Asian Oprah

Willie, of course
Willie, Me and Mandy

Monday, September 11, 2006

5 Years Ago...

I wasn't going to do the whole 9/11 post but on my way to work this morning I heard a radio montage tribute and started bawling so natch it needs to be addressed. Five years ago I was woken up by a phone call from my boyfriend at the time telling me that we were being invaded. Not one to turn on the TV or the radio in the morning, I wouldn't have known until much later what was going on had it not been for that call. My roommate, Beanie, and I sat on the edge of my bed in abject horror seeing what has been replayed countless times since then. We cried, got scared, called in and told our work we wouldn't be going in that day. I remember being terrified that BFF's sister in New York was somehow harmed by that day's events. Living in West L.A. at the time we were used to lots of noise from traffic on the streets. That day, there was dead silence and hardly a driving car to be found. The Starbucks on the corner where I moonlighted closed its doors for the day, something practically unheard of. I had planned to see my favorite author, Dean Koontz, speak at the bookstore in Santa Monica that night. Cancelled. The day was spent watching endless hours of news broadcasts and wondering how on earth that had happened. So I guess they're right, I will never forget: where I was that day, how I felt and what I saw. God willing, in our lifetime, we as a nation will never have to experience anything like that again. Today I just want to say thank you to John Gonzales and all of our other soldiers for fighting this seemingly endless war "against terrorism." Be safe out there. And to the families of the victims, may their memories be a blessing.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Two for Two

I don't know what the odds are but I am pleased to announce I saw two new releases this weekend and both of them are worthy of recommendation. Not only that, but two actors I haven't really cared for in the past proved themselves to be quite good in roles that seem to be tailor made for them. Yeah, that's right, Marky Mark. But don't let it get to your head, you're not in the clear yet. This time around, kudos go to Ben Affleck in Hollywoodland. Minus Kevin Smith film cameos and Good Will Hunting he hasn't done much to impress me until now. I'm not one to throw around the term "Oscar-worthy" but any one of the lead actors could take one home for this movie. Bob Hoskins, the gorgeous Diane Lane, Adrien Brody and Ben Affleck kept me riveted through the entire two hours of running time. Robin Tunney, who I can only really think of as the witchy role she played in 1996's The Craft, played the bitch role to a T but I just felt she didn't fit in with the rest of the superior cast. Hollywoodland is about the unsolved mystery surrounding the death of George Reeves, television's Superman. And just to clear up any confusion, the late Christopher Reeves is of no relation. If you watch Court TV and enjoy re-enactment and investigations as much as I do then you'll really enjoy Hollywoodland. Brody (and those expressive eyebrows) plays a private investigator trying to determine whether Reeves was murdered or actually committed suicide, and is spurred on to the point of obsession because of the way Superman's death has impacted his son. And the good thing about this film is that it doesn't try to leap to a conclusion either way and respects the fact that the case is still unsolved today. On top of that? It's just a gorgeous film to watch and the dialogue, costumes and sets are so reminiscent of old Hollywood that it will make you long for that glamorous era. For those of you that need things tied up nice and neat in the end, I don't recommend you see this but for everyone else it will be $10 well spent.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday Night Football Feel-good Film

Mark Wahlberg, formerly "Marky Mark" of The Funky Bunch, has definitely made himself my least favorite of the famed Wahlberg brothers. (Oh, Donnie, even with out NKOTB you know you can call me.) For the most part I feel that he soils a movie's good name just by being in it (see: The Italian Job or any other IMDb listing). Tonight, however, his role as Philadelphia's bartender-cum-Eagle Vince Papale in Invincible had me singing a different tune. Perhaps it was the familiar sight of Disney's Magic Castle as the movie opened that comforted me at the beginning of the movie and assured me that everything was going to be ok. Maybe it was the impressive soundtrack of 70s rock and roll classics. Or could it have been perky Elizabeth Banks of The 40-Year-Old Virgin fame (a.k.a. the girl in the bookstore) as the Giants fan/love interest? Maybe the soaring instrumental crescendos over sweeping landscapes of football practice and stadium games? Or the prerequisite neighborhood tag team game in the mud and slow-mo tackles? I think it's because the speaking parts for Mr. Wahlberg were quite limited. He might as well have been Charlie Chaplin, the early years, for chrissakes. Whatever the combination, it worked. To quote Young MC, the cast consisted of "no fine girls just ugly faces" but at least it was a true representation of a working class town in a well-defined era of fashion mistakes. It didn't bring me to tears like Remember the Titans but I love a movie where the underdog triumphs. And it always amazes me that a football-themed movie never disappoints me even though I'm not really a fan of the game. Go figure. Be forewarned, however, that this one takes a while to get off the ground while establishing just how bad Papale has it in life before open tryouts change his world. I think this can wait for DVD but I liked it nonetheless.

Haiku De Viernes

Thursday night I had
Dinner with the Golden Girls
Every other week
***
Nothing like routine,
But where's spontaneity
Desperately lacking
***
Then again they say
Good things come to those who wait
It's not my strong point

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Eeeew HNT


See? Bloody eyeball. Pretty. It was a lot worse 3 days ago.
So Happy HNT.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Happy Birthday, Poo!


Big Dado turns the big 5-9 today.
In another year, he'll officially be an old Grandpa man.
Hope it is the happiest of happies!!!
(Can't believe I didn't post this earlier. I'm a bad daughter.)

Dang!

Where the heck did I go? Thanks to the long weekend I'm officially off schedule and completely neglecting the ol' bloggage. And homework. Oh well. What's a girl to do? Sunday was spent in my house like a recluse watching The Ringer and The Benchwarmers, two films that didn't let me down because I didn't expect anything from them. Now if I could only apply that state of mind to my men. Or maybe I should just try out for the next Flavor of Love. I admit it. I'm hooked and I totally spent 5 hours of my life watching the marathon. These women are GHETTO and Flav reminds me of an alien. I can't look away. It's a car crash.
***
Last night I had my very first online chat with a very nice fella in possession a webcam. Can I just say that I felt like was in some sci-fi futuristic movie? It was awesome. Being the moron that I am, I downloaded all the bits and pieces and when he asked if I could hear him I kept telling my monitor I could... thinking he could hear me. But no. Know why? I don't have a camera or a mic. Atta girl, Randi. Now it's time to get with the program and get some modern technology at home so I don't get carpal tunnel chattin' it up with him while he leans back in his chair and carries on a one-sided conversation.
***
Yesterday marked my 6th consecutive day at the gym and I'm so stoked. I love that I forced myself to get off my ass and finally get back to the swing of things. I love to run and see that trickle of sweat drip down my elbow from the crease in my arm. That's what I push myself for. That single trickle. Doesn't matter that I'm soaked to the bone all over the rest of my body. Saturday I actually made it to my Yoga class and I'm just hoping I can make myself go again. There's nothing more refreshing than an hour of stretching and deep breathing. That zone is where I need to be. And for the record? I'm more sore in my muscles after that hour than I am when I do my circuit training. So there you go.
***
And in summation I just wanted to let you know that I burst a blood vessel in my eyeball over the weekend. I'm pretty sure it's because I was drinking the hell out of some wine. Aren't you glad that I brought you up to speed?

Saturday, September 02, 2006

I Love YouTube



This is one of the most random Family Guy excerpts but I have a love for musical theater in cartoon and thought I would tie it in seeing as we're welcoming football season and touchdown celebrations. Plus I referenced this episode in an archive once so I thought I'd bring that shit full circle.

Friday, September 01, 2006

50 Random Statements

1. My roommate and I once: worked together, hung out together and lived together like the happiest of married couples until she moved up north with her boyfriend and he made her his real wife.
2. Never in my life have I: been in a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: BFF. Nah, that's not fair. Pretty much everyone I'm close to manages to do both of those things on a pretty regular basis.
4. High school was: probably the highlight of my social life. Parties and drugs all the time. Always surrounded by my friends. Nary a care in the world and so little responsibility. And I was never at a loss for boys to make out with. Good times.
5. When I'm nervous: I scratch until I bleed. Pretty, huh? Oh and I also imagine every improbable scenario of how things can go wrong.
6. The last time I cried was: watching Little Miss Sunshine. So fucking good.
7. If I were to get married right now, my bridesmaids would be: none of the above. Girls, I love you but it's me, my man and Elvis in a chapel in Vegas. I don't need any catfights. Not on my watch.
8. Would you rather run naked through a crowded place or have someone e-mail your deepest secret to all your friends? Run naked. My body is the least of my problems. Then again, it's not like my secrets are all that secret...
9. My hair: is in the growing out phase and definitely not my natural color.
10. When I was 5 I: had a terrible bowl cut and bangs that were too short. Thanks, Mom.
11. Last Christmas: I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away.
12. When I turn my head left: I see things on the left hand side of me. And chances are good I'm hearing a snap crackle pop. Carry much tension, Randi?
13. I should be: working but memes seem to be way more important. Or doing my homework. Damn you, Blogger for making me have OCD.
14. When I look down I see: a voluptuous rack. Or to quote Miss Nancy, I "gotta nice boob."
15. The craziest recent event was: nothing. I guess I'm super boring or really playing it safe these days. My beige.
16. If I were a character on "Friends" I'd be: Ross. Unrequited love, ain't it a bitch. But in the end he gets the girl so there you have it. Or Monica. I'm pretty OCD. Let's just say "The Gellars" and call it a day.
17. By this time next year: I will be 30 and God willing I'll weigh 10 pounds less and be in a relationship with potential.
18. My favorite aunt is: going to be me once my little nephew emerges from the womb. My aunts are all a bunch of low-life, dead-beat, white-trash psychos.
19. I have a hard time understanding: why I'm not married. Sense a theme here?
20. One time at a family gathering: I realized I'm related to a bunch of crazy people that don't allow me to get a word in edgewise and end up making me feel invisible and subpar.
21. You know I like you if: I stalk the living shit out of you. I'm not much for subtleties.
22. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank: is Baby Jesus.
23. Take my advice: listen to your friends. They're generally right.
24. My ideal breakfast is: chilaquiles.
25. If you visit my home town: please don't expect me to show you a good time. I don't even know how to entertain myself here, I certainly don't need the pressure of entertaining you.
26. Sometime soon I plan to visit: another country. I grow weary of the USA.
27. If you spend the night at my house: expect to sleep in my bed with me.
28. I'd stop my wedding if: there was one planned. Until then I have no reason to stop it.
29. The world could do without: Paris Hilton. Is that too petty? Then the world could do without bigotry against homosexuals. Or President Bush. Or war. I think I'll stand by my Paris Hilton statement, though.
30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: fucking nothing! Jesus Christ. That's the sickest shit I've ever considered.
31. The most recent thing I've bought myself is: a grande sugar-free Hazelnut Misto from Starbucks. Mmmmm.
32. The most recent thing someone else bought for me is: 2 bags of Pirate's Booty. Delicious.
33. My favorite blonde is: Christina Aguilera. She's lookin' fine these days.
34. My favorite brunette is: Britney Spears. Even though you have fallen from grace and you are swollen with the damned offspring of the pointless Kevin Federline (another thing the world can do without), you will always be my angel, you barefoot, backwards, trainwreck of a woman.
35. My car must have a sign on it that reads: drive up my ass. I like it from behind. But really? I don't. So back the fuck up off me, bitches.
36. The last time I was drunk: was last night. And I probably will be again tonight. Don't you judge me.
37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Pigs. Just because that would probably allow a lot of things to happen that normally wouldn't as in "when pigs fly." Now kiss my grits.
38. I shouldn't have been: afraid to go away to college when I was 18. If I had one do-over that would be it. But I don't want to should all over myself here. What's done is done.
39. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? I'll trim the pantyline regions but I think a hairless beaver is too prepubescent of a look for my likes.
40. Last night I: watched the MTV VMAs for the first time in a long time and don't know why. I know very little about the music these days it seems. Though the treadmill dancers were fucking awesome. Too bad I've never heard of OK Go. Answer me this, who pissed Beyonce off? Was it you, JayZ? Bitch is vicious and possibly suffering from seizures.
41. There's this girl I know who: wishes she could be just like another girl I know.
42. I don't know: what the point of that last statement was.
43. A better name for me would be: Randalion. Because that way when people ask me if Randi is short for something I can say yes.
44. If I ever go back to school I'll: be disappointed because I'm already back to school and if I don't finish it this time around then I'm officially fucked.
45. How many days until my birthday?: I'm surprised I don't know the actual answer to this because I so love my day of birth. How many days until May 12? That many.
46. One dead celebrity I wish I'd met is: Phil Hartman.
47. I've lived at my current address for: Less than 2 months. How about that?
48. I've been told I look like: Drew Barrymore, Joan Cusack, Celine Dion and Christine Lahti. I'm only ever flattered when it's Drew though.
49. If I could have any car, it would be: the one I drive now. I do so love my Vehicular Manslaughter.
50. If I got a new cat tomorrow, I would name it: Mrs. Pussyface.

Today's meme was brought to you by AndyT13.

You Know What Time It Is

I attract the freaks
Myspace pantyhose fetish
Like moths to a flame
***
Long weekend ahead
Nary a plan to be had
Perhaps some reading?
***
Start of a new month
Turning over a new leaf
Here's to blank pages