It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Eye Heart HNT <3


Windows to the soul indeed.
A little soul searching is definitely needed.
Thank you for pointing it out.
And for noticing.
You know who you are.
Though, Clark, I couldn't recognize you without your glasses.
Love Your Loyalty And Sensitivity
Happy HNT to the rest of you.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Grosser Than Gross

Lately I've been stocking up on my produce at the local Farmer's Market on Sundays. The peaches have been utterly divine. Sweet and delicious. Yesterday afternoon I was enjoying one when it got to be mid-peach and I thought it was a good time to remove the pit so I could eat the rest of it uninhibited. When I did so, however, the pit broke in half and revealed what I'm pretty sure was tiny white maggots and little black bugs crawling around what they'd made their home. Now, I've read James and the Giant Peach but I had no idea that fiction would become my reality with creatures living within the heart of my snack. Most of you might have thrown that peach in the garbage but after close inspection it appeared that the meat of the fruit wasn't infested so I went ahead and ate the rest of it. I figured at that point what more harm can it do me? So the moral of the story is: cut the peach in half before you start eating it, remove the pit and then decide whether it's wise to proceed. Learn from my disgusting mistakes.

On a completely unrelated topic, I have a question. I'm not a cat person really though I did have a black Siamese when I was growing up named Samantha (named after Bewitched of course). She was an antisocial little bitch that never really let herself be seen unless it suited her or she wanted to allow you to pet her. At night she roamed the streets and in the morning, like clockwork, she would meow at the door until we let her in to be fed. After that the only way you'd see her is if you went looking for her in the back of the closet, under the bed or behind the draperies. My question is, do cats need baths? Samantha never had a single one in her 15-year lifespan but my friend Eli had me help him give his cat Fidget a bath yesterday. It took all of Eli's strength and might to keep Fidget in the tub and under the water and I was mauled in the process. Our end result? We were left with what looked like a very angry drowned rat and ended up completely drenched. Isn't the whole idea of being a cat owner the fact that they basically groom and maintain themselves? Another reason I shouldn't be a pet owner.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

El Primer Dia De Escuela

Thanks goes out to BFF for today's title. Last night I had my first day at my new school, Cal State University Channel Islands a.k.a. CSUCI a.k.a. C-Sucky. The class is called Individuals With Disabilities and it looks like it's going to be a winner. My professor, almost called her the juvenile "teacher" there for a sec, doesn't look like she's even as old as I am but she can really hold a class. I liker. Our first assignment? A movie review. Chances are pretty good that 3-page, size 12 font, 1" margin, double-spaced piece of literature will end up on this blog so stay tuned.
I'm going to awkwardly segue a bit here but you'll see why in a second. For a long time now I've had a bit of a chipped shoulder when it comes to MTV. When I was a girl I lived for music videos. Music has always been a passion for me. Not that long ago there was a spread in Entertainment Weekly that had the MTV timeline of memorable moments. I can actually recall watching Madonna as she writhed around in her Like A Virgin Music Award performance. Now? MTV has nothing but reality programming and the only time you can catch and actual video is at the crack of dawn or long after I've gone to sleep for the night. Needless to say, I loathe it. Mind you, some of the programming is smart and informative on hot topics that need to be addressed and I believe it reaches the teens in a positive way. Most of all, I loathe shows like the Real World and Laguna Beach that sort of endorse brainless backstabbing and shallow behavior.
ANYway... here's where the segue makes sense: my classmates are possibly castaways from Laguna Beach auditions. They all wear giant sunglasses, layered tank tops, rolled up jeans and gaudy jewelry while carrying enormous designer hand bags. Their laughter is so fake it actually pained me to listen to it. I also overheard one girl telling another girl how she gets her mom to buy her everything she wants. And man if they don't think they know EVERYTHING because they took a couple of undergrad Psych classes. I may be getting too old for this shit. But not the oldest! It is my goal to find a "buddy" in both of my classes and last night I met Eric the 34-year old. If nothing else, I'm young by comparison.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Monday Monday

First of all, I'd like to give a hearty thank you to all of those who participate in Haiku Friday, a little ditty BFF & I made up to amuse ourselves that seems to be catching like wild fire. I have to say, though, I was a bit dismayed when at Shora's site someone actually corrected her version of our game saying haikus require a reference to nature or some shit. Um, really? Bite the big one.
This weekend was pretty uneventful but definitely beer-soaked. It is really nice when you become a bar regular and the cute little bartenders give you sample drinks and leftovers when they mix a bit too much. Quite a handy way to get drunk on a Friday. Saturday I was invited to my brother's schwanky new pad to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship match on Pay-Per-View. I had no idea those guys were so hot, yet so savage. It kicked ass but I don't know if it's a good idea that my brother watches those fights because he kind of had that look in his eyes that he had a taste for blood.
School starts tonight so I'm super stoked about that. Looking forward to busy weeks and homework to fill up all that time I've been wasting on TV and beer guzzling. It's terrible how lazy I get when I have no structure to my schedule. Damn. This must be a Monday post.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Closure

Thanks to my good friend Maine I have closure to this post. Officer Byrd does in fact exist and you can find him here. Wow.

Haiku & A Movie Review

Little Miss Sunshine
Accurate depiction of
Family dysfunction
***
I laughed and I cried
The Sundance raves were dead on
Carell's Midas Touch
***
Hometown cameo
The disturbing child pageant
Definite must see

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Tracksy HNT

Highlights of search engine key words used to find my blog this month:
  1. If you're Jesus and you know it
  2. That's when the whores came in
  3. Shots of my boobies
  4. Fully clothed swimming rubber boots
  5. Dancing Tits
  6. Flashing Tits (sense a theme here?)
  7. and of course... HNT

That's some pretty random shit up there. Leave me a comment and tell me how you found me, you googling and yahooing sons of bitches. And for all those peeps searchin' for bodacious tatas (check that tan line!):

Happy HNT. You knew I couldn't stay away for long.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Dia De Los Humps Y Lumps

I was checking out Weight Watchers' website yesterday and it totally shot down any good feelings I had about my 15-pound weight loss. According to their BMI calculator, the maximum I should weigh at my height and age is 158 pounds. Currently I'm weighing in more or less at 165 and I thought I looked pretty darn good considering but I guess that's just about the max weight for people 45 and older. How about that? I'm certainly not 45.
My first response is to go back to the gym, which I totally did last night and plan to again tonight, but even that seems futile unless I really plan on going for 90 minutes every flippin' day of the week. Do I really need to go back to counting every bite and kiss beer goodbye? I've been really good here at work with my fruits and veggies and nonfat yogurt and Lean Cuisines but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere very quickly aside from allowing me to maintain my weight for close to 4 months now. Not that I'm complaining.
Perry, the man formerly known as my hot trainer and torturer, asked me last night if I'd consider doing group sessions. It's going to take a bite out of my billfold but maybe that's what's going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back to lose these last 7-10 pounds. Is that a good use of my student loans? Should I enroll in the 6-Saturday, hour and a half yoga class at the local community college even though I already pay a gym fee and could technically go to their class for free even though it is at the unreasonable hour of 12 o'clock noon a.k.a. LUNCH TIME?
I definitely have a goal date in mind. BFF asked me if I'd consider attending Burning Man with her next year at this time and I'd like to be in the physical condition that would make my toplessness applause-worthy. Is that too much to ask?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I'm A Giver

Things I've learned so you don't have to:
  • Don't wear brand new stiletto heels if you plan on walking or dancing for an excess of, say, 11 minutes. Chances are you will rub a hole into your toe or any surface of your foot that makes contact with the sexy straps causing you to have to sport a Disney Princess bandage for a couple days.
  • Don't eat leftovers if they contain the ingredients ham and/or chicken and have been left in the trunk of a car for 4-5 hours. Chances are you will end up on the toilet for the majority of the next day. As Crusty says: Food in the trunk, not such a good idear. Junk in the trunk, however, always a good idear.
  • At all costs, try to avoid having to walk 6 blocks on city streets in your bare feet. Chances are you will contract some nasty foot funk like hepatitis OR you'll do some damage to your patooties that requires extensive pedicure rehabilitation OR you'll just end up with some really dirty feet OR you'll experience some weird snapping feeling like a tendon is loose a couple days after the fact.
  • Give it up on the first night. Chances are that shit won't be going anywhere in a hurry.
  • Show any interest at all in a guy you actually like. Chances are he is not going to feel the same way and he'll pack his shit up and move out of town.
  • Expect any sympathy from BFF. Chances are she'll be a ball buster.

Monday, August 21, 2006

A Book A Week

Just like an apple a day is good for the bod, a book a week is good for my mind. On my sick day today, I finished another book I had started then shelved for no other reason than reading laziness. Jonathan Lethem's Motherless Brooklyn is a detective story with a twist, the main character suffering from Tourette's Syndrome. No, not every sentence is punctuated with an expletive outburst, but you do get to delve deep inside Lionel Essrog's tormented brain and listen to him make half a dozen similar sounding phrases from a simple word or name. "Place of peace" becomes Prays of peach. Plays of peas. Press-e-piece. And the book is peppered with these word association games and Lionel's insistence on tapping and touching those around him. It's an interesting peek into a world I'm glad I've never known nor probably ever will minus the few OCD-type tics I already have.
The book is about a group of orphans taken in by a mob-associated man named Frank Minna, turning the boys, dubbed motherless Brooklyn, into Minna Men. Errand Boys. And under the guise of a moving company and a car service, they act as movers of stolen goods and quasi-detectives for a somewhat shady agency. It's the orphans' first peek into the closest thing to a family they'll probably ever get to know. Frank gets murdered and Lionel seeks vengeance uncovering betrayal and an underworld it seems he never quite expected. I could visualize this entire book as if it were film noir and apparently Edward Norton had the same idea because sometime in 2007 he'll star as Lionel in a movie adaptation of the book.
It wasn't a real page turner for me but I didn't necessarily close the book disappointed. Even though detective novels aren't really my favorite genre, this book did right by the idea. Lethem's writing style is very unique and if I ever dive back into my passion for fiction, I'd likely read another of his books. However, with school fast approaching and not many more sick days in my near future, I'll probably be hard pressed to find the time to read anything other than textbooks.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Santa Barbara Bush

It's funny how things change as we get older. Once upon a time the thought of going for a night of drinking and dancing in Santa Barbara would've just meant debauchery of the worst kind. No one would have thought about how we were getting home or what time or who was driving. We would have just gone balls to the wall and partied until one of us dropped because we were young and that's what we did. That kind of happened last night. One of my girls is going away to school in another state in a couple weeks so we decided to show her a good time and give her a farewell night on the town. Evidentally, part of the plan was to get her absolutely shithoused by pumping her full of tequila shots and red wine. What are we? A group of rushing sorority girls going through a hazing? Needless to say, the night ended with her vomiting her brains out in the back of the club. A sentence I never wanted to type in my late 20s.
My last trip to Santa Barbara consisted of me rolling deep with four latino guys in an Escalade while bumpin' some phat rap jamz. This one was all about partying down with a group of peeps from the Oxnard Police Department. Highlights? Here goes:
  • A detective worrying about me having two glasses of wine with my HUGE Italian dinner because I was the one driving us home in 5 more hours. If he was really that concerned, wouldn't he have stopped himself from drinking several glasses of the ever-masculine White Zin and dubbed himself DD?
  • Enjoying the hell out of a delicious dinner, Kalyra Cashmere and having the meal end with the entire restaurant singing "That's Amore" while the wait staff toasted each and every patron in the place.
  • Flashing my bra at the Booze Cruise on State Street. Then repeating the flash for my group and having a fine black man give me approving props from the road while a dirty homeless man told me "That ain't nothing" while flashing his tits at me.
  • Listening to Barbara (aka Barbrawl) threaten to "fuck up" said homeless man for dissing my boob display. She was also my partner in the flash and has the greatest tits this side of the Rio Grande.
  • Getting the party started on the dance floor while actually listening to the Black Eyed Peas, "Let's Get It Started" - formerly known as "Let's Get Retarded."
  • Watching our girl of the hour own the dance floor on a platform stage while I was drinking a Vanilla Stoli & Coke out of a 5 gallon goblet. It's not so easy to dance with a 5 pound drink.
  • Having Barbrawl introduce me to a fine-ass Jamaican man by telling him "This is your girlfriend for the next 5 minutes." This led to what I'm pretty sure is the first time a man has ever bought me a drink at a bar. I wonder if he could smell the many garlic bread knots I devoured on my breath...
  • Watching my opportunity to make out with my very first black dude slip through my fingers when I found out that the party girl was purging her dinner in the back of the club. As a result, my ass had to walk 6 city blocks, alone, after midnight, to get the car to drag her unconscious behind back home. I can only thank my lucky stars I didn't get accosted in the stairwell of that lonely parking garage.
  • Enjoying the sounds of dry-heaving coming from the back seat of the car on the 30-minute ride to Oxnard along the gorgeous Pacific Coast.
And I wonder why I don't go clubbing more often...

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Mothafuckin' Snakes on a Mothafuckin' Plane

Yes. I did it. I succumbed to the incessant articles in Entertainment Weekly. I bought in to the buzz. I went to see Snakes on a Plane on opening night. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Did I walk in expecting anything other than sheer camp? Not a chance. And I did not walk away disappointed. There isn't a redeeming quality to this movie aside from the fact that it's just a lot of fun to watch. This is the stuff summer blockbusters are made of: interesting locale, unnecessary violence, improbable situations, sex, humor and absolute discomfort. I literally leapt out of my seat every single time a snake appeared on the screen. Samuel L. Jackson absolutely owned this movie. He knew this was not a movie to take seriously yet he took himself seriously and it shows. The acting as a whole was godawful but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that hundreds of different poisonous snakes were attacking and killing everyone they could in any manner possible. My only regret was that I didn't see Snakes in a movie-going-town like Los Angeles. My little Oxnard theater was half-empty and didn't have the overall enthusiasm I was looking for. Thank goodness I had two very willing friends that tolerated my jumpiness, enthusiastic outbursts of caution for the acting cast and most of all, my applause when Samuel L. Jackson declared he was tired of "these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane." I can't wait to see the weekend's grosses.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Haiku? Says You!

Few things beat a glass
of in vino veritas
and reconnecting
***
Been eating healthy
Lots of fruits and veg'ables
Frequenting the gym
***
So... Supercute and
Supernice didn't work out
Um, no surprise there

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Happy Anniversary!!!


Today is the 3-year wedding anniversary for BFF and her husband Babe, the bestest married couple I know. Because I'm at work I don't exactly have a ton of pictures at my fingertips so this one is kind of old but still quite delightful. And I'm in it so consider it an HNT. Go and give her some congratulatory wishes, why don't you. They deserve it.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Kitchen Wiggle



Why I shouldn't drink at parties. Courtesy of Sim the Magnificent.

Book Review

After a prolonged read of maybe close to a year when the book basically just sat on the back of my toilet, I finally finished Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser last night. Once upon a time I proclaimed to BFF that I would eat red meat every day if I had the chance. After reading this book, I'm at a stage where I'm seriously considering becoming a vegetarian. Because of Weight Watchers I have pretty much abandoned fast food restaurants as a rule but now it's going to be to the point of fanaticism. We all know how I feel about my weight but this is about health more than it's about obesity. You might as well eat poison. A few things that stand out in my mind are the atrocious working conditions at meat packing plants, the "mall-ification" of our great nation and "fecal matter in the meat." For me? 'Nuff said. It's so important to know where our food comes from and when you read this book, if you do, you'll be amazed at what we as a people are willing to tolerate when it comes to our food production.
I'm trying to steer clear of fiction for the most part and am tempted to read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle which pretty much exposed the meat packing plants for the disaster areas they were back in the day or perhaps Schlosser's other book, Reefer Madness about the porn industry, immigrant work force and the marijuana underground. Any recommendations? I'm trying to feed my brain some substance instead of fluff.

Monday, August 14, 2006

The Monday Blues

Job sucks.
Love life is in a state of perpetual limbo.
Skies are gray.
Too much time on my hands until school starts.
Not enough sleep this weekend.
Been slacking full-time on the diet and the gym so I'm feeling nice and huge.
On the rag.
Coming down off a fun-filled weekend high spent with good friends.
Must be Monday.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Haiku Up In This Bitch!

Two birthdays today
Shout outs to Frannis, Eli
Leos be crazy
***
Had odd dreams last night
Even woke up crying once
Randi be crazy
***
Crusty's grandma died
She's home from that Philly place
Weekend be crazy

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Fair

I know I'm not the only one that loves a good fair but I seem to be one of the few of my friends that are actually willing to go. What's not to love? You've got good eats, entertainment, livestock and arts & crafts. There are even rides and games there if you're brave enough. But most importantly, you also get an unintentional boost to your self esteem when you look at the freaks and carnies that surround you and you're reminded that you ARE skinny. You ARE pretty. And by golly, you have ALL of your teeth!
Last night my brother, his girlfriend, my buddy Eli and I went to the Ventura County Fair to see Foreigner perform. Check out that jukebox link, why don't you. Because I know you, like everyone else, is going to ask me what they sing. The answer? Everything you've ever heard on the radio was more than likely a Foreigner song. This may be the many Miller Beers I consumed talking, but for a free concert and a 70s/80s band, Foreigner can still rock the crowd. At one point I even broke out the lighter. Don't hate. Why not have your encore be I Want To Know What Love Is and Hot Blooded? Why not indeed.
We closed out the night with some ice cream and fireworks and all was well in the world. Next time your little town has a fair. Go. You won't be sorry. Just like I'm sure the guy we saw getting his nipples pierced at a booth at the fair won't be sorry when he wakes up this morning.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Back In The Day

Here's Babe, his wife (the infamous BFF), me and Krystee my formerly quasi-lesbian lover friend. It was like 1995 or 1996. I like this picture. A lot. And even though BFF posted it before I'm doing it now.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Oxnard: More Than Just A Pretty Name

For those of you interested in learning more about the town where I was born and raised and fled only to return to settle, check out this awesome Wikipedia page. I had no idea Oxnard was so famous. Sure, in Sideways they stopped by to rob that guy's mom on their way to some wine tasting but other than that Oxnard is hardly even on the map. So here are some pics of the new pad in progress. Still need my big comfy living room chair and some kitchen seating but what you see is pretty much what I've got. Enjoy. Now it's your turn, Fyrchk.




All By Myself

After another anticlimactic Monday at the office I managed to convince myself that the gym was a good idea. Sometimes I forget how good it feels to sweat. Once I'm there and running on the treadmill I'm so happy I went but it's the getting there that's more than half the battle. After a long day at work sometimes I would just rather go home and crack open a cold one and fall asleep in front of the TV. Then again, it was that sort of behavior that led me to the land of the obese so now that I'm fitting in my smaller clothes it's probably better I don't fall into that trap again. Plus, living alone it makes more sense to be out and about and around other people for at least a little while.
Living alone. I forgot how that felt after living with roommates and family for the last 4 years. So far the only downside is feeding myself dinner. I'm just not very good at grocery shopping, menu preparation for one and/or cooking. Breakfast and lunch are covered though. Snacks? Got 'em. Just don't want you to worry about me starving. But things I love? The silence. The independence. Total control over the television. No one asking me what I'm doing or where I'm going. It's bliss I tell you.

Monday, August 07, 2006

The O.C.

I'm not one to hate on another city's baseball team just because my blood runs Dodger blue but the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim didn't really put on a great game for me on Friday night. The stadium itself seemed so tiny in comparison to Chavez Ravine and there was hardly any audience participation. Where was the incessant organ music? The simultaneous crowd clapping? The wave? I never felt the vibe, the Angels lost and all in all it was kind of a boring game. But it was fun to go and boy did they put on a good fireworks show. Their hotdogs, however, are no Dodger Dogs.
The Doubletree in Orange is a lovely hotel. They give you chocolate chip cookies at check-in for goodness sakes. I recommend you stay there. The bed is like sleeping on a cloud and there are lots of pillows. Neutrogena hair and body products to boot. When I swam in the pool at 3 in the afternoon though I was wondering why they'd build their pool under the shade of their hotel. Made for a chilly dip. I didn't get a chance to stay there very long as I was up before 7 and out the door by 7:30 but it was quite lovely nonetheless. Though they are liarmouths and said they had a shuttle to Edison Field but really it only goes to Disneyland. Jerks.
Saturday morning was spent driving looking for a cup of coffee near any beach and touring the boats. We ended up in Seal Beach after much aimless driving and it was quite nice seeing some people actually catching fish off the pier. Took a little stroll down a historical shopping district, classic Main Street. All very nice and it was very warm. Which naturally led us to a bar for breakfast. After a little more random driving we ended up at Joe Jost's and it was there that I partook in my very first pickled egg with chili peppers and pretzels and a giant goblet of beer. For breakfast. Yum.
After that we ended up at the Block and ate some tapas and drank more beer at Tu Tu Tango. Thanks for the tip, Exile, but I didn't have e-mail so went there without even knowing you suggested it. Creepy. That's were we saw the movie. Good times. Afterwards I swam in the ocean, got sunburned, had some dinner, felt like dying and headed home. After 2 hours in L.A. traffic and getting an egg thrown at my driver's side window on the freeway, I jumped in the shower and fell promptly to sleep at 8:30 p.m.
What a great weekend. It's too bad they couldn't all be like this.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

I've been looking forward to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby since I saw the trailer for it months ago. At the time of the trailer, when I was practically rolling in the aisle in a fit of hysterical laughter at the sight of Will Ferrell blindfolded and wreaking havoc on a small suburban street, Hetero Life Partner warned me then and there that she wouldn't be seeing that one with me. And she didn't. Did I laugh as hard at the movie as I did at that teaser? Not so much. Mind you, of course there are moments of utter stupidity that had me rolling but as far as Will Ferrell movies go, this one just didn't live up to the hype. The best scene? Ricky Bobby saying grace to Tiny Baby Jesus and the bloopers about it while the credits run.
The real scene stealer is Sasha Baron Cohen as Ferrell's racing nemesis. What an accent. The preview for his new Borat movie (coming soon to a theater near you!) had me laughing harder than the feature presentation. The movie also did justice to NASCAR. The racing scenes were awesome and made me actually miss the one time I took a trip out to the California Speedway to take in an actual race up close and personal. But if you're looking for completely off the wall oddball hilarity, you won't find it here. Actually, Talladega is almost as sentimental and family friendly as Kicking & Screaming and we all know how I felt about that. But I still love Will Ferrell and have no doubt that I'll see whatever it is he puts out next.
Dude. What kind of a douchebag am I for linking to my own archives?

Pics From The Weekend

Angels lose but the Rangers hit a grand slam

Why you crying? And why a fountain in the outfield?

A fireworks extravaganza
Not mine but nice catch nonetheless
Checkin' out the slips and sippin' lotsa cold ones

Thursday, August 03, 2006

What Day Is It?

Silly, Randi! I thought today was Wednesday and that I might have a chance to post some half-nekked apartment pictures but nooooo it's Thursday. Amazing how the days just seem to run into one another. There has literally been nothing of interest going on lately but I feel like I need to post even still. I won't be around this weekend so that's DAYS without posting and that just ain't right.
Where am I going you ask? Well I'm headed down to the OC for work during the day on Friday and then I have a delicious room reserved for me at the Doubletree with a pool I can hear calling my name. After that I'm headed to an Angels game even though I'm not a fan. However, it is on my list of stadiums I need to see before I die. But the clincher? The tickets were comped and there's going to be fireworks! I wonder if my ghetto-ass digital camera will let me snap a few shots for us to enjoy at a later time.
And of course on Saturday I'll be taking in the newest film from my boyfriend, Will Ferrell Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I can honestly barely contain my excitement for this one. I'm like one of the few that thought Anchorman was ridiculously hilarious and I have a feeling Talladega will offer me much of the same.
So that's that. I guess I'll catch up with y'all later.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

My Pooper Ex-Hurlfriend

Sometimes you gaze in awe at the big screen and it's either in a very good way or a very bad way. My Super Ex-Girlfriend was definitely the latter. Perhaps it should have been a sign (or an omen depending on your thoughts on the matter) that I never saw a single preview for this movie on the television. But come on! Uma Thurman? Luke Wilson? Rainn Wilson of The Office fame? The hilarious stand-up comedian Eddie Izzard? That darling blonde lead from the Scary Movie franchise? That has to account for something right? But no. Considering this talented cast I expected way more than what I got. The acting was more fit for a junior high play. The cinematography left much to be desired. Even the special effects were mediocre which seems impossible considering the high tech era we live in. Hell, the costume and make-up people also need to be smacked around a bit. How Ivan Reitman (check out that list of credits!) went from Old School to this piece of garbage I'll never know.
Still want to know what it's about? Well I'm not even sure it'll read interesting. Basically Luke Wilson picks up on Uma Thurman in full on hottie-dressed-as-librarian mode. She's pretty unstable but the sex is good ("A new bed or penis?"). Actually, for a second while I was watching this movie I whispered to my mom, "I didn't realize we were watching soft-core superhero porn" because there are a lot of sexual innuendos. As their relationship goes on he sees she's jealous and insecure and manipulative so he dumps her. At the same time he realizes he's in love with his co-worker and Uma wreaks havoc on their romance. Then Uma's highschool sweetie, played by Izzard, wants to take away her superhero powers so he recruits Luke Wilson. Hilarity is supposed to ensue but never does.
The End.
So can I say anything nice about this movie? Well, there is a pretty good scene with a great white shark thrown through an apartment window in Manhattan. As for the rest of this movie, you will seriously wonder what the hell (and why) you're watching. Thank God for free movie tickets. Skip this one.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

So Long, Farewell...

It is with a heavy heart that I must make the following announcement... Perry and I will no longer be seeing one another on a trainer/client basis. Ha! You thought I was going to quit my blog! DIDN'T YOU?!? Nah, nothing that serious though I do wonder who reads this shit and finds it interesting. Thank you, loyal followers. Anyhoo, back to Perry. Technically I still have another session but I told him last night "That'll do, Pig" and we parted ways. First of all, the wedding is over and I fit in my dress and I lost the 15ish pounds that I wanted to. Secondly, he just hasn't been the nicest trainer lately. I don't need a drill sergeant. If that were the case, I would join Celebrity Fit Club or whatever that insanely addictive program it is they run on VH1. I want someone to coddle me and tell my I'm doing great and whisper "You can do this!" not necessarily telling me to keep a strong stomach and stick your butt out and faster and harder. No. None for me thanks.
Now that doesn't mean I'm quitting the gym. I'm just going to go at my own leisure. I'm also trying to kick it up a notch and follow the Weight Watcher program a little more closely at home. I actually left my training session last night and was able to skip my usual double-double meal at the ol' In-N-Out mere steps from the gym so I could hold it down for my homey on the Sonoma Diet. Instead I hurried home and made a delicious salad made with oh so fresh Farmer's Market veggies. Yum. Now that I'm living on my own it looks like I may have to resort to vegetarianism. I don't like touching meat. Well... that kind of meat any way.
And that's my night in a nutshell. How did I get in this nutshell?