It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday's Haiku

New pad in the works
Waiting for the app process
Sooncome "Free at last!"
***
The new job is nuts
Murphy's Law has zip on me
Thank God it's Friday
***
This weekend will be
Two days of flying solo
I need a break, dude

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Eve & The Snake HNT

Remember this?
Exile and his buddy Herb made me pretty.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Over The Hump Indeed

First things first, I have to come clean about something. My name is Randi and I'm addicted to Bejeweled 2 on MSN Games as well as the trial edition on my cell phone. I spend a lot of time playing this game. At home. At work. At the bar. In the car. While eating Green Eggs and Ham. It's truly non-stop. I haven't been this addicted to a game since I was a wee girl and Tetris came into my life in the form of a handheld Nintendo Gameboy. God help me and my OCD. Make it stop before I become a "gamer." I don't know what that would do to my family if they heard I'd crossed the line.

It has come to my attention that sleeping until at least after sunrise isn't just "fun" for me. It's absolutely essential. For work today I had to go up to Lompoc, which from Oxnard is almost a 2 hour drive. We had to be up there to take inventory before 8 a.m. so that meant I needed to be awake and ready to go by 5:30 a.m. a.k.a. "oh'dark early" because Lord knows we needed to stop and buy Krispy Kreme doughnuts beforehand. Note to self: one doughnut will not hold the appetite over until the lunch hour. Anywho, I'm tired now. Real tired. As in, I don't know if forming words or speaking intelligibly is an option anymore. Class? What's the point? None of it will be absorbed and hablando espanol just doesn't seem like a reasonable expectation of me. No sleep makes work very difficult. Very hard.

Let's see... what else is new? Um... not much actually. Perry worked me like I was his bitch last night. Had sweat dripping down my shins and am sitting with a nice cramp or two today. Man, that sounds HOT right? Haha. Too bad I pay for that sort of action. In a gym... uh, yah, I better just stop while I'm ahead. Just trying to throw a post up here. The chances of me squeezing out an HNT is looking pretty bleak but you never know. I could get my second wind here any minute now...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Apparently breaking up is the new fighting much like pink is the new black. I have to admit, when I was with my boyfriend of 5 years, we broke up twice and got back together. Once we reconciled after less than a month and then again after quite a few months part. The third one, though? That stuck. I can chalk that rollercoaster up to experience and also acknowledge that I was a young woman that had never really been in a real relationship so I didn't know any better. Poor BFF. She gave me truckloads of advice that I definitely heard but didn't necessarily listen to. Over and over. Many times. And again with the another long-term ex but that's a whole other story. I made a lot of excuses for his bad behavior and took plenty of responsibility for our problems. Hindsight is 20/20, though, and I find myself repeating a lot of the same things she used to say to me when my other friends are having problems with their men and look to me for answers. Now that I stand in her shoes I can see that she must have had the shit frustrated out of her. It is so hard to see your friends make the same mistakes repeatedly. Take this weekend, for instance. Hetero Life Partner was DEVASTATED over her beau and we spent pretty close to 2 whole days trying to rebuild her back into the strong woman that she is. I even made a mix CD of empowering songs, for goodness sakes. We're talking serious business. Last night I find out that after she broke up with him she turned right around and started talking to him again. Now I'm not resentful of our weekend of girl-time, but what was the point? Why all the tears and the powerhouse building only to break up and reconcile in a matter of hours? Why not just get into a fight with your man, make up and call it a day? Is this the same kind of strategy that young women have when they threaten to leave their men if they don't propose marriage? Just curious. Maybe I've just been single for way too long but it sounds like a headache to me.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Heartbreak Hotel

Hetero Life Partner broke up with her long-distance boyfriend of 3 years this past weekend. We did a lot of drinking, talking, comfort food partaking and DVD watching. That's what girls do to get over boys I guess. Turn to booze and binge eating while completely forsaking exerting any physical effort at all whatsoever. Slumber party minus the pillow fighting and hair styling. June has been a bad month for relationships from what I can see. My quasi-beau and I called it quits and two of my other girlfriends also said farewell to their long-term boyfriends. Is it the opposite of Spring Fever where couples flock together by the dozens? Should we call it the Summer Flu?
Some sadness was brought to my attention this past weekend and that is how many women (and I'm sure men but that's not the point today) settle for mediocrity in their love lives. They'll put up with so much shit with the hopes that "someday it'll be better." But what about living in the now? If you're not happy now, what's to say there's going to be some miraculous change later that will make all your heartache and suffering worth it in the end? Why do we feel the need to give so much only to get very little in return? What kind of egos do women have thinking they can fix a man's problems? Our kisses simply can't make things all better sometimes. Pretty sure that only works for mommies.
So what did I take away from this weekend? "I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong reasons." Girl power!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Movie of a Different Kind

On Saturday, my hetero life partner and I decided to skip the likes of Click and Nacho Libre to go down to the California Science Center in Los Angeles and take in the 3-D IMAX movie, Deep Sea 3D. Check out the trailer to get a feel for what I saw IN MY FACE while sporting a pretty fly set of shades. It's been a long time since I've seen anything on a screen that big, never mind in 3-D but I really have to recommend it. Minus the expense of driving to downtown LA, it was cheaper than a trip to the regular theater down the road. And I didn't leave feeling like "I paid for this?" Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp narrated to the sounds of my favorite movie composer, Danny Elfman of Oingo Boingo and Tim Burton film fame. Not only was this movie educational but it was totally adorable and fascinating, like watching Finding Nemo minus the witty comedic banter and animation.
Prior to that we hit up the Pavilion of Wings in front of the Natural History Museum. For three bucks we got to watch tiny butterflies flutter hither and yon. And just a few steps from there is a gorgeous Rose Garden where many a quinceanera party was being photographed. It was a lovely way to spend a sunny summer day but it made me really wish my nephew Ethan was here already. To see that sort of thing through the eyes of a child would probably make for a much better time seeing that as an adult I've come to take this sort of beauty and wonder for granted. And you just don't get this kind of culture in Oxnard. Just a nice way to spend a day outside the box, if you will.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Bye, BFF

BFF is away in the country this weekend so I haiku in her place.

Oh San Francisco
I so wanted to see you
But no co-pilot
***
Another weekend
Spent in the hometown, Oxnard
How I grow weary
***
Someone tell me why
All my friends fled from the West
Does SoCal suck ass?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Sans HNT

I had the perfect picture for today all planned out in my head and simply ran out of time. I left my house at 7:30 a.m. yesterday and got back home at 10 p.m. That's such a weird feeling to not go home all day, eat microwaved meals and rush from work to school. It's definitely something I need to get used to but it's so nice to have some place to be. Basically, unless you wanted half-nekked laundry shots, there just wasn't time enough in the day to squeeze a photo in. Perhaps I should learn from that and not push everything until the very last second? Nah.
Spanish class is going very well thus far. I know pretty much everything we're learning but it's nice to get a refresher to remember words I'd completely forgotten. For instance, esquina is the Spanish word for corner. How's that for a word of the day? Our homework is to watch television or listen to the radio en espanol and while I haven't had the chance to do that yet, I really would like to recommend Plaza Sesamo (Sesame Street). It's seriously hilarious yet scary to hear Bert and Ernie with accents.
Other than that, I've just been busier than a one armed paper hanger. Work is not easy but then I guess I would be miserable if it was. My, what a bland post. Just thought I'd get something up here to pass a few minutes of your day. I'm a giver, what can I say.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Hump

Function: verb
transitive senses
1 often vulgar : to copulate with
2 : to exert (oneself) vigorously
3 : to make humpbacked

Here we are once again at the middle of the week. And it couldn't come any sooner, I can tell you that. I've all but forsaken the gym this week and I think that's ok. I need to get a new schedule going now that I'm in summer school 2 nights and 8 hours a week, dogsitting in the morning, trying to burn several mix CDs (last minute of course) for my friend's wedding and all the while getting ready for a trip up to San Francisco on Friday after work. Whew! I looooooooove to be busy because there is absolutely no time to sit and feel sorry for myself. Last night I went shopping for a going-away gift for one of the ladies here at work. I was so proud of myself because I actually collected the $5 from all of my co-workers and managed to throw together a lovely little wine-themed picnic basket while going only $10 over budget. You gotta love Cost Plus World Market. Not to pat my own back here, but I think I have a knack for coordination that I credit my mother (aka Marther/Martyr Stewart) with passing down to me. Maybe that's why I suckered myself into organizing my ten year high school reunion alone... Any way! For the first time in a while it feels like my ducks are actually in a row. I'm not feeling overwhelmed or depressed and it feels nice. Work's good. School's good. Friends are around. As for a boyfriend... where would I find the time?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

2 For Tuesday

Two Names You Go By:
1. Randall (Farms, Cunningham and Action)
2. and my dad calls me "Babe" a lot
Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. German
2. Italian (but I really shouldn't leave out the Greek and French Canadian)
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. My new and fashionable Clark Kent glasses
2. A purdy butterfly necklace that my hetero life partner gave me for my birthday
Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Hot Sex
2. Lots of laughs - though preferably not while I'm having the hot sex
Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Collecting CDs
2. Root, root, rootin' for the Dodgers - FIRST PLACE, BITCHES!!!
Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. A bachelor's degree or at least the ability to pursue it freely
2. For Prince Charming to gallop up on his trusty steed already.
Two Pets You Had:
1. An antisocial black cat named Samantha who we often called "Mammy"
2. A black dog named Tippi who was fun at parties and loved her some Oreo cookies
Two Things You Did Last Night:
1. Went to a 4-hour Spanish class
2. Ate a Subway sandwich in Vehicular in my hour of free time twixt work and school
Two People You Live With:
1. My Mom
2. And Dad... wow. I really need my own place
Two Things You Ate Today:
1. Cereal
2. A fiber tablet... it's early.
Two People You Last Talked To:
1. My boss
2. My Co-worker
Two Things You're Doing Tomorrow :
1. The vicious cycle that is work
2. And school
Two Longest Car Rides:
1. Probably to Yosemite
2. And I guess to Santa Rosa - for the same person... random.
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. My birthday (and yes, it is a holiday so shove it.)
Two Favorite Alcoholic Beverages:
1. Beer
2. Wine - though quite frankly the 2 of them can go to hell thanks to vicious and wicked hangover headaches.
Two Things You Can't Live Without:
1. Love
2. Music (Angels and babies are optional.)

Monday, June 19, 2006

Animated Splendor

Yet again, a cartoon has far surpassed any live-action movies I've taken in thus far in 2006. I went to see Cars yesterday and was not disappointed. The good people at Pixar really know how to build some lovable characters and make a movie with heart. Of course there was the moral of the story that you're nobody until somebody loves you and blah blah blah but there was also a lot of laughs. I was accompanied by one of my more cynical friends and even he remarked how he was surprised at how sucked in he got. There were quite a few hearty guffaws throughout the movie but Larry the Cable Guy's "Mater" - like tuhmater without the tuh - really stole the show as far as I'm concerned. Hilarious. Especially the tractor tipping scene. And I admire the way Pixar doesn't skip a beat as far as details are concerned: the shreds of tire on the raceway, the dirty streaks up the front of the cars, flies in the desert (little irridescent VW Beetles with wings!) all made for an insanely believable and realistic background to a darling little movie. Go pay the nine bucks. You won't be sorry.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's Day

My dad and my brother, the father-to-be.
I am proud to say that I've never met anyone that didn't like those two men pictured above. One is the greatest dad in the world and the other has had a great mentor his whole life so he should be following in some darn good footsteps. So much love.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Homage to Cod

For those of you that haven't caught on to the fever that is Haiku Friday, I am offering you this challenge: Spread it like wildfire. BFF made it up and it's lots of fun. And for those that need a lesson in haiku it's 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. Easy as pie right? Plus, on a Friday, it's nice to not have to think so hard. Hope you all have a nice weekend. I know I will. Graduation BBQ tomorrow and Father's Day on Sunday. It'll be a food doozy.
Like oil and water
BFF and HNT's
of me just don't mix
***
So Haiku Friday
moves that picture down a notch
No more tit grabbin'
***
Why does she make me
laugh so hard it hurts my side?
She's the funny one.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Rib HNT


"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Random

Yesterday was pretty full of randomness so I thought I'd talk about it here. Because it's my space and I can do with it what I like. So there. Around lunch time my cell phone rang with a number I didn't have stored and it ended up being one of the phlebotomists that asked me out about a year ago. The best part of his call? When he said "I haven't talked to you in a while." No shit! A year is definitely a while. I may or may not call him back. He was a freshman at my high school when I was a senior, not so much chemistry... meh. We'll see.
Then, on my lunch break, a former co-worker from the City was driving by my office and saw me basking in the sun so he stopped by to chat for a bit. We exchanged contact information so we could meet for lunch sometime and when I got into the office this morning I had an e-mail waiting for me that said "It was really nice to talk to you today, you are a sweet heart and if you permit me to add, you looked outstanding!" So even though he's totally married, my ego got the boost it sorely needed. And it's always nice to know you're liked.
So here's the kicker. Yesterday afternoon my phone rings again with a number I don't have stored. This time, though, I recognized the voice right away. Yes, it was the "ex" calling me up. We had briefly IM'd on Saturday morning about taking things slower and working it out but since I never really heard back from him for a couple days I erased his number from my phone and took his email out of my contacts. Lo and behold, his call was casual as all hell and he just wanted to find out how I was and to let me know he'd be at my graduation BBQ on Saturday "because he told me he would go." WTF? I told him I had no idea why he was calling or how we'd left things so I was surprised to get a phone call. Nothing was really resolved in the 5 minutes we spoke but it left me to wonder if maybe I make a bigger deal out of things than I should. Perhaps I'm a bit of a drama queen and like everything to be very black and white when in reality, there are so many shades of gray. That's not to say I'm going to make any effort to rekindle the romance but it is to say that if an effort is made by someone else, I may consider it. Lightly.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Ejercicios

Went to my trainer again last night and I'm contemplating whether or not to renew. Lord knows Perry is a fine specimen of man meat with personality to boot but I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to do the things he asks of me without having to fight the urge to... well, boot. It's funny how many definitions one word can take on. We did a pretty intense workout and I actually made it 30 straight, hardcore minutes without having to take a break. And the only reason I had to stop is because my breath literally caught in my chest and the only way to expel said knot was to belch like a frat boy. Go figure. I am getting stronger, leaner and more tone though. It's hard to believe that I can actually run on a treadmill, do push ups on a ball against a wall and drip waterfall amounts of sweat from my LEGS people. Why my legs? Only 3 more sessions to go with him until I have to decide if I want to continue my weekly beatings.

On a work related note I would just like to ask the world wide web how incompetent, rude people are able to keep their jobs for long lengths of time. How can one speak with utter disregard and disrespect for the company that pays their bills yet continue to maintain employment for years on end? If one is so miserable, shouldn't one seek another position elsewhere? And are eff-bombs on personal phone calls for the world to hear really on the right side of office etiquette?

I also want to take a moment to give a shout out of thanks for all the supportive break up comments. Particularly enjoyable was the plethora of movie quotes and randomness of the last post. "You are all weirdos" to quote Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. Just to put you all at ease, the heartbreak is pretty nonexistent and the consensus is to "fuck that guy" from just about everyone I speak to about said break up. And pretty much from this point on, he shan't be discussed again. What can I say? With him gone, I have nothing to be irritated with or upset about so that right there pretty much says it all, no?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Case of the Mondays

Your sensitive nature is highlighted today, dear Taurus, and you will find that your intuition is extra strong. The one problem is this is that you may leave yourself open and vulnerable to powerful energies that are working against your current aims. Be aware of what is going on around you at all times, for there might be an element of manipulation. Your feelings are very important and they deserve ultimate respect from yourself and others.
When MSN is right, it's right. Mondays are a pain in the ass anyway but I'm pretty sad. Coming to terms with being single at my age is a jagged little pill to swallow. What just happened there? Did I quote Alanis Morissette? I must have it bad. I got instant messaged by the boy over the weekend and he alluded to working things out, just taking things a little slower, so naturally I got my hopes up even though I'd decided he's not the man for me. But he didn't call like he said he would. Again. Just like every other time for the last couple of weeks. So even though I knew better, I let myself be vulnerable and ended up feeling bummed again. Boy do I know how to pick 'em. I can also maybe blame my melancholy mood on the Ojai Wine Festival. We spent quite a few hours there yesterday and I had about 8 tastings so I think the boozing was maybe not the best idea as far as a happy mood goes. But it was a fun little singles lady day spent with Mama Jill and Miss Kitty nonetheless. Now it's just time for me to "sack up" and put on a happy face.
"Everything is temporary." - Moonstruck by way of BFF.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Bottoms Up

I would like to take this opportunity to push a product. There have been many a time on this here blog of mine when I've mentioned how much I love the hoppy goodness that is beer. So yesterday, while having lunch at one of our local breweries, the waitress offered me an Arrogant Bastard Ale. This bad boy could've been a meal all its own but I managed to scarf down copious amounts of food and another "yellow" beer at the same sitting. Damned if the ABA didn't totally push me over the edge buzz-wize. Delicious. Not only that, but the bottle is hilarious (I didn't get one because it was on tap but I've seen it before!) and their brewhouse clearly has a sense of humor that goes beyond silly Bud Light campaigns. I think I'm in love.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Ovah

We broke up. I have mixed feelings about it due to how much time and money I invested in this "relationship" only to watch it completely dissolve in a matter of a week and a half. The only person to blame, really, is myself. I don't have any standards when it comes to who I'm dating. Pretty much the only prerequisite for me to be attracted to him is if he pays me only the mildest attention. I tolerate way too many faults that I wouldn't even tolerate of myself. This low self-esteem shit has to come to a screeching halt. I have a lot to offer, don't I? I mean, I work, go to school, have a car, participate in the community, like sports and beer, and I have been told I'm both funny and cool to hang out with. So what gives? Why does it seem like the only guys I end up with are the flawed ones who are bound to take advantage of me and will end up leaving me worse off than I was before? And the worst part about this? I knew it would end up this way. I tried to break it off months ago. But I didn't listen to my instincts and now I'm paying the price. Pity party, table of one.

Taurus
April 19 - May 19

As you know, dear Taurus, you have reached a turning point in your life. The hardest part about making this decision is, as usual, saying farewell to your old ways. The past can seem so cozy and reassuring, especially when the unknown looms. It takes strength and determination to leave it behind. But whether it is a matter of your career or your love life, you have personal goals that cannot be sacrificed or denied.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Haiku For You

Damn my arm is sore
There goes my pitching career
Thank God for hot pads
***
The weekend is here
Nary a plan to be had
Not a solid one
***
Where is Mr. Right?
I don't want Mr. Right Now
Is it just Oxnard?

TGIF, kidlets. Try not to work too hard. And remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

WTF, Blogger? You're mad?

Taurus April 19 - May 19 Unfortunately you can't measure love the way you would the stock market, dear Taurus. And it's all right if that scares you a little, because you know that you have to work at something if you want to make it happen in your life. We all need to have the courage to try new things. So, yes you will find love in your life, but as to whom you will 'invest' with and how much you will 'invest,' you won't find out until the big day. Be patient, you won't be disappointed.
Do you see what I mean here? They're stalking me. I'm sure you will all get tired of me posting my horoscope on a daily basis but it's so relevant I thought I would try and track that shit for a while. I "invested" way too much time, energy and money in the boy only to get very little in return. So I talked to him about it and we threw a baseball around for a half an hour and things were a little less rough around the edges. However, this morning, it became very evident that I will not have a career in pitching. Jesus Christ. I don't remember being this sore in the 8th grade after a solid round of catch.

I am not a big fan of sauce. Like BBQ sauce? No thanks. I'd rather have some good seasoning. Spaghetti sauce? Not so much. Just a dab'll do me. Maple syrup? Just enough to tint the pancake and/or waffle but not to drip on the dish. Why am I telling you this? Why not?

The optometrist scares me more than anything in the world. Talk about high anxiety. When he blows that puff in my eye for the glaucoma test, well I'd rather be stabbed with sharp swords than endure that little torture chamber of a device. Is there really no better way? I once had the doctor just do eye drops and touch my eyeball because anything is better than that puff of air from the bowels of hell. And why do I have to tell him that "it's better now? or now?" I always feel like I'm giving the wrong answer. And yesterday he tried to tell me I can see better out of my right eye than my left and I told him not really and he dared talk back and told me "Well that's what the lenses say." Whatever! My eyes are worse so I'm off to get new glasses this evening. Thank God for the affordability of Costco for those without vision insurance.

And Why Not?


Happy HNT. It's been a while...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Woe is Me

Taurus
April 19 - May 19

As trite as it may sound, the bottom line holds true that it doesn't matter if you win or lose, what matters is how you play the game, dear Taurus. Unfortunately, you may be so disenchanted with the game that you might not even want to join in at all. But give it a try before you dismiss it completely. Go into it with the goal of having fun instead of the goal of trying to win.

I think I'm done playing the game. I've had sex once in the week since the boy has been home. I've seen him for a total of 6 hours and have talked to him maybe for 2 on the phone. Maybe I went into this expecting too much but I'm pretty sure being single is better than this. So will I throw him to the curb, get all excited and chew him out with a huge break up scene? Nah. I'm just not going to try any more. I'm going to be busy soon with summer school and softball so really, in the end, it won't matter. But right now I'm feeling used and sad when frankly it's just not worth it. I was happier when he was away. I'm worth so much more than this and deserve some reciprocation.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

In The Theme of 6

She didn't tag me but I'm doing it anyway! So here goes, 6 weird facts/habits about myself (just in case the 100 things about me wasn't enough):
  1. I enjoy picking my nose and I'm not afraid to say it. Mind you, if I see someone in the car on the freeway next to me and they're diggin' for gold I literally get grossed out. My grandpa always used to ask if we had something in our eye because my brother and I clearly were going at it knuckle deep. "Rolling snot" is also popular with my parents. Wait, was this supposed to be weird or DIGUSTING?
  2. My body in itself is pretty weird. We all know how sexually suggestive my lengthy tongue can be but I'd also like to add to that my ability to put my leg behind my neck. Other weird things about my bod: ability to flip my eyelids (thanks, Grandpa!), my left thumb and my right pinkie finger are double jointed, my shoulders make popping noises almost every time I stretch and I have a little red beauty mark under my breast.
  3. When I jog or run or basically do any sort of walking I have a tendency to count my steps. Sometimes it's in increments of 8, other times 10 or 12. I understand that's a tic sometimes found in obsessive compulsive disorder. Surprise, surprise.
  4. I have really weird sleep habits. I sleep in the nude and sometimes I will find myself getting dressed unconsciously in the middle of the night. Then there are the times when I wake up out of a very vivid dream and I have zero idea where I am... like my room is the most foreign place in the world to me. I have also been known to sleep walk (and snore).
  5. Oral hygiene is very very important to me. I really see no reason for people to have bad teeth. Like Elliot Yamin? I didn't like him just because of his grill even though he had some strong pipes. And once, I was talking to this amazing guy online and when I met him and saw he had bad teeth, I ran for the hills. Never talked to him again. Bad breath? Nothing disgusts me more... except maybe for crusty toenails that look like corn chips but that's a whole other can of worms.
  6. Being punctual is high on my list of priorities. To me, on time is being 5 minutes early. Nothing frustrates the living shit out of me more than having to wait for someone. I. Just. Can't. Take. It. Like, I will literally lose my cool and start cussing you out if you don't show up/call when you say you are going to. Can't help it. I've tried and I can't do it.

So there you go, 6 things you never needed to know and now you do. And you wonder why I named my blog "It's all about me..." Do I want to tag some bitches? You betcha. Go on with your bad self, BFF.

6/6/6

So I guess today is some kind of day of evil... should we all see what kind of shenanigans we can get into? I really don't know how much havoc I can wreak considering I'll be at work but I'll maybe try and give it a shot during my manicure this evening? Or perhaps I'll indulge sinfully in some yummy snacks? Does that count as evil?
I think the best way to celebrate 6/6/6 is with a checklist of the 7 deadly sins to see how many you commit today:

1. Pride
2. Greed
3. Lust
4. Envy
5. Gluttony
6. Wrath
7. Sloth

So far this morning I've committed maybe all of those at least once so I'm off to a good start. Here's to an unholy Tuesday.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Soap Box

With everything going on with the United States right now, does it really seem right that banning gay marriage is on the top of President Bush's list of things to worry about? I mean, we are at war where people are dying left and right. Aren't we? Gas prices are at record highs. Education is in a dismal state. Prisons are overcrowded. And should we really be worried about the Mexican border when terrorists are infiltrating our neighbors to the north? Sometimes I wonder where the priorities are. Does it really matter that 2 people of the same sex want to love each other in a recognized union? Who loses? It'll just mean that gay marriages have to go through the same kinds of divorces that the heteros go through. I mean, clearly, there's more to it than that but I'd rather know that the U.S. is in good standing politically and financially and really in every sense of the word instead of worrying about private relationships. I just had to get that off my chest. Thank God Dubya can't run again. Please let the next election have a democratic victory.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Worthy of a Post

WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...one old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...a youth she's content to leave behind and a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...a set of screwdrivers, cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
..how to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship... And how to change a tire...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...when to try harder... and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...that her childhood may not have been perfect but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...how to live alone even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
...where to go, be it to her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
....what she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month and a year.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Break-Up

And Why You Shouldn't See It
by
Randi B****h
I went to see The Break-Up last night after months of hype and anticipation because I really do love me some Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Poor Aniston. She hasn't made a good movie since The Good Girl or Bruce Almighty. And after that Brangelina debacle you think she could just get a break already. But no. This movie is in the romantic comedy genre yet is neither romantic nor comedic, discuss amongst yourselves. Not to say there aren't some funny parts, of course. I mean Vince Vaughn and John Favreau of Swingers fame are in it so you know you're going to laugh at least a few times. Which I did. But as the credits started to roll on this one I actually exclaimed aloud, "What the fuck!?" and my hetero life partner, Oly, demanded that we stay until the bitter end to see if they weren't going to sneak some extra tidbit in to salvage such an unexpected ending. Truthfully, I walked out of this movie with a heavy heart and that not-so-nice feeling you get in your stomach after watching your couple-friends spend an evening bickering in front of you. I can only hope that the romantic rumors are true and that the two lead characters at least walked off the set with a relationship that will justify the making of this film. So howzabout some nice words about the supporting cast? Vincent D'Onofrio is perfect as Vaughn's awkward brother and there just wasn't enough Justin Bateman. Ever since Dodgeball and Arrested Development I have so much more of an appreciation for his subtle yet effective sense of comedic timing. The scenes with Aniston's ambiguously gay brother singing at the dinner table and kicking Vaughn's ass, though available via trailers, were hilarious on the big screen. But I'm sure it would be equally funny on the much cheaper DVD rental. Here's to hoping for an alternate ending on the extras.

Friday, June 02, 2006

100 Things Updated

1. I was named after a neighbor of my parents in Australia. She was a model.
2. My favorite nickname for myself is Randall.
3. Randi is not short for anything and yes it is my real name.
4. I am a Taurus in every way. (May 12th, bitches!)
5. The majority of my friends and family are Scorpios. God help me.
6. I say I’m “almost 30” when referring to my age rather than just say I’m 29.
7. The only bone I’ve ever broken has been my toe so I’ve never needed a cast or crutches.
8. I’ve had stitches twice in my life: as a baby in my scalp after falling off my dad’s lap onto a brick fireplace and as an adult on my finger after slicing it open with a box cutter while working for Home Depot.
9. I have 4 tattoos and regret only one of them due to some shoddy craftsmanship.
10. I have had my belly button pierced for 11 years.
11. I believe my MSN horoscope.
12. I’m superstitious to a degree.
13. I wonder if I’ll ever get married or have kids.
14. I want a puppy more than I want kids.
15. I have an Associates Degree that took me almost 10 years to get.
16. I am the first person in my immediate family to earn a college degree.
17. My parents (and grandparents) are still married.
18. I have one younger brother.
19. He is about to make me an aunt for the first time.
20. My older brother died of cancer before I was born.
21. My grandma is a breast cancer survivor so that is a cause very dear to my heart.
22. One of my proudest accomplishments is having walked 35 miles in 2 days for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.
23. My other grandma has Alzheimer’s and we recently put her in a home.
24. Both my father and my grandfather were in the Navy and I admire that about them.
25. When my other grandpa passed away I only cried because it made my dad sad. Not me.
26. I am just like my mother but enough like my dad to balance it out.
27. I wear a size 10 in my shoes and my clothing (though hopefully those clothes’ll get smaller in time).
28. I used to do hallucinogens in high school.
29. I haven’t smoked pot since New Year’s Eve 2004 and boy do I miss it.
30. I have never experimented with amphetamines because I'm spastically hyper and intense enough as it is.
31. I hardly ever leave the house without make-up on... unless it's to go to the gym because I'm not that shallow.
32. My self-esteem leaves much to be desired.
33. I use self-deprecation as a defense mechanism even though it pisses BFF off to holy hell.
34. My toes look like fingers and I can use them to pick stuff up off the ground if I want to.
35. I can touch my extraordinarily long Gene Simmons tongue to my nose.
36. I lost 12 pounds on the Weight Watcher program but I'd like to lose 10 more.
37. I’ve maintained that loss for over a month now with the help of my once-a-week trainer, the infamous Perry.
38. I try and go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week but I feel guilty that I don’t go every day.
39. I have basically disowned my dad's side of the family because they are good for nothing, no class havin', white trash, thieves and addicts/alcoholics.
40. I have been out of the country thrice: Australia, Mexico and Canada.
41. I got my first “real” kiss when at 15.
42. I lost my virginity when I was 18 because I was scared to death of being pregnant in high school like most of the other girls in my class.
43. I got pregnant shortly thereafter and that led me to make a very difficult decision. I have lived with that guilt for almost 10 years now but I don’t regret the decision I made.
44. Sometimes I wonder if that decision has rendered me infertile... like I blew my chance or something.
45. I can still count my sexual partners using only 2 hands.
46. All of those partners have been Mexican (or at least part Mexican).
47. My longest relationship was 5 years.
48. The longest I’ve held a job is 4 years.
49. I’ve only been fired once.
50. I just started working for my very successful father’s company. So far so good.
51. I’ve had over 15 jobs in 12 years.
52. I was a babysitter for 15 years from the ages of 12-27. I've officially retired unless it is for my nephew, the peanut, when he finally gets here already.
53. I understand and speak Spanish though I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself bilingual.
54. Spanish will be my major when I go to CSUCI this fall.
55. I earned a B in the college math requirement that has dogged me for years and I am so proud of myself for that.
56. I (and only 7% of U.S Citizens) have O negative type blood making me a universal donor.
57. The only foods I don’t like are: olives, bologna and Swiss cheese. No! Really!
58. I have had a lap dance from a stripper. And I've liked it!
59. Hard liquor is my archenemy. It convinces me to fight, fall down, get sick and eff strangers on people's couches.
60. Beer is my “mother’s milk” and the reason I have a Buddha belly.
61. Sometimes I smoke cigarettes when I drink but not really any other time because I think it's so nasty, stinky and cancer-causing. But damn can it taste good sometimes.
62. I lived in Los Angeles and the surrounding area for 8 years (Korea Town, the Valley, North Hollywood and West L.A.).
63. I moved back to my hometown of Oxnard, where I was born and raised, because I love it here that much.
64. I can't see myself living anywhere but southern California.
65. One reason for that is my love and devotion to the Los Angeles Dodgers.
66. And a close runner up would be my newfound love for the L.A. Kings hockey franchise.
67. I love to bake but hate cooking.
68. I was a Catholic schoolgirl for 12 years.
69. I have only been to church for weddings since 1995 and have no intention of ever going back.
70. I’m loyal to people to a fault (see: low self-esteem).
71. I have cheated and have been cheated on in relationships.
72. I have been dumped more than I have dumped.
73. I am lucky to have no STDs.
74. I have never had a one-night stand.
75. I am scared of birds when they fly at me or around me.
76. I obsessively purchase/hoard/collect CDs.
77. I collect metal miniatures of tourist attractions and tacky Catholic paraphernalia. God, I love me some G-Force Jesus (Thank you, random flickr fellow!)
78. I really enjoy reading for pleasure.
79. I still don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up.”
80. I have known most of my friends for at least half my life, some for almost my whole life. Poor bastards. They're like family now and they're stuck with me.
81. I have only recently begun to accept my body as beautiful. I give HNT a lot of credit for that.
82. I have a gift of being able to retain mostly useless information (i.e. trivia, song lyrics, etc.).
83. I love Scrabble and Jeopardy!.
84. I'm very competitive and not a good loser. What some might call a little bit of a sore sport.
85. Watching movies IS my hobby. I am a very active movie viewer and spend most of my time crying, laughing out loud or dodging the action that is going on onscreen.
86. I enjoy yoga but don’t do it often enough.
87. I carry so much stress in my shoulders that I get tension headaches that require Vicodin and/or massages to get rid of them.
88. I have road rage but damn it to hell if I don't just love driving Vehicular Manslaughter, my 2003 6-speed havin', two tone leather interior with alloy accents sportin' TurboS Volkswagen Beetle. That little black bitch.
89. I am a worrier and a little bit of a hypochondriac.
90. I buy way too many shoes because they always fit better than clothes do.
91. I expect way too much from people so I usually end up disappointed.
92. I wish I were a better dancer but that doesn’t stop me from shaking that ass.
93. I wish I had a better singing voice because I love to belt out tunes be it in the shower, the car or basically anywhere.
94. I like and listen to all music except for that hard core house/techno dance shit. (Yes! Even country!)
95. I wear acrylic fingernails to keep me from ripping my skin when I scratch unconsciously because of stress.
96. I have a “backwards” uterus and it seems to make a good impression on the boys if you know what I mean.
97. I still love Disneyland and cartoons and basically being a kid at heart.
98. I try my hardest to never tell lies.
99. My heroes have to be Will Ferrell and Steve Carell because they make people laugh so hard.
100. I love getting phone calls and e-mails more than most things. Though not more than my birthday.


Haiku Friday

Friday's here again
Still in limbo with my beau
I sure hope this works
***
Quiet day today
Boss is out of the office
Booboos from his bike
***
I hope that next week
I'll feel the desire to post
Get back to normal