It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Here I Go Again

Weight Watchers has resumed after a 2-week hiatus. Weigh-in this morning let me know that in the past 14 days I have gained a total of .6 pounds. I fucking love the decimals don't you? Truthfully? I've barely tried to lose weight. San Francisco was a smorgesbord of delicious foods and we have more Valentine's candy lying around my house than the stores actually carried throughout the season. Plus I've been hitting the gym lately so I'm pretty sure that's all muscle gain. Pardon me while I laugh that last sentence off. I have 12 weeks to go and then I'm pretty sure I won't be signing up for another session as I can better spend my money on Perry the trainer. Perhaps I just don't have the willpower to lose more than the 5 pounds I've lost already.

And to satisfy Miss Shora's curiosity about what exactly the trainer and I do together, well I wish it could be more steamy than it actually is. He basically makes me contort into God forsaken poses that requires my body to, in essence, weight-lift itself. We rarely use dumbbells because he must figure he's found a big enough one in me. (Badum dum. I'll be here all week. Try the veal and tip your waitress.) What we do use a lot of is that inflatable ball thingamabob. For someone with little to no coordination that in and of itself is a feat. Then it's push-ups, jumping jacks and cherry pickers for the most part. It's a lot like P.E. in elementary school only in my scenario, a gorgeous black Hitler is my PhysEd teacher.

There you have it. Physical Fitness by Randi will resume next Tuesday after weigh-in. Same blog time, same blog channel.

Monday, February 27, 2006

San Fran Pics






Hello... Again... It's me.

So I'm back from San Francisco. The weather was divine up until my car ride home when a deluge of rain pummeled my vehicle as wind simultaneously threatened to blow her off the road. Together vehicular and I survived though, a 5-hour drive made into a 7-hour shlep. Good times. Because I've been up to the Bay approximately 100 times I no longer do anything worth marveling over. It's pretty much walk, shop, visit, eat, repeat. My uncle and I play catch-up without having to battle with the other members of our family for attention. It's quite nice.
Another thing we do is watch movies that are so off the beaten path that I rarely have heard of them prior to viewing. Grey Gardens is one such film. Apparently this has quite the cult following and once you see it I'd be surprised if you didn't find yourself Google-ing the Beale women yourself. It's like seeing a train wreck, you can't look away. These once prestigious women, aunt and cousin to the infamous Jackie O, have fallen from glory in a miserable way. Living in filth in a dilapidated East Hamptons mansion overrun with raccoons and approximately 75 cats, completely delusional and reclusive, this mother and daughter duo will realize your mama ain't that bad.
To make up for that tragic documentary we also rented a French & Saunders DVD that was so insanely hilarious I can only hope you take my recommendation and rent one yourself. Who knew the BBC had so much to offer us lowly Americans? Jennifer Saunders also starred in Absolutely Fabulous but was very limited in her humorous interpretation when confined to just one character. Here she does sketch comedy that would make SNL hang its head in shame. Dawn French is a riot. I wish I could link you to something worthy of their hilarity but I've failed you, it's true.
Perhaps one of these days when I have more strength I can tell you about all of the 7-foot tall wooden penises, comically oversized butt plugs and glamorous drag queens I saw during my visit to the predominantly gay region that is the Castro district but right now I'm dealing with a very sore and purple thumb that's really begging me to call it quits on this post. But it's good to be home!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Just A Quickie

So jury duty wasn't as awful as everyone made it sound and I'm desperately trying to get on a trial. Slow down. Start from the beginning. Mine was the second name called to be on a panel and because the Citay pays for me to be on a jury indefinitely I didn't qualify for any hardships. If I do get on this trial, that the judge warned me not to discuss lest he command his bailiff shoot me, it's scheduled to go until mid-April. That would sure teach T-bone a lesson for consistently busting my balls. I ended up spending a total of 3 hours at the courthouse and then I was dismissed for the day.
That left me with a paid holiday so I went to my trainer. Why I do this to myself is seriously beyond me. The last time we worked out together I walked like a bow-legged cowboy for 3 days. I finally start walking like a normal human being and then I submit myself to be punished once again. I used to like him but now I see he is only out to kill me slowly. But he did commend me for not being a whiner or a quitter. Too bad he doesn't see me at home when I'm limping up my stairs, mewling like a newborn kitten due to the residual pain of our time together.
Today I'm off to San Francisco for a nice little respite from the day to day mularkey. Not really looking forward to the 5-hour drive all by myself but I know when I get up there it's going to be well worth the travel time. I fondly wish you all a fantastic weekend.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

By Request HNT

Now you see what I see... Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Cuz Macca Told Me To

"Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays." - Office Space
"Not Yet" - Desperado (sexily said with Spanish accent by the incomparable Antonio Banderas)
"Richard, is this your coat?" - Tommy Boy
"Hey yeah, have a few drinks and you know drive home." - Wedding Singer
"Know how I know you're gay?" - The 40-Year Old Virgin

He isn't my mama though so I'm not tagging in return. Feel free to grab the torch and run with that bitch Olympic-style though.

Holy Cow!

Boy, was today a doozy, y'all. I was busier than a one-armed paper hanger. And that concludes my impression of the fabulous Miss Dolly Parton. I only wish I was workin' 9 to 5 instead of 8 to 6. Makes for quite a loooong day. Lucky for me, I ended up getting called for jury duty tomorrow. Lucky you ask? Well yes. Turns out my supervisor, who shall henceforth be referred to as T-bone, has decided to revert back to her evil ways. The month-long silent treatment ended on Valentine's day when I bestowed upon her a chocolate heart and a festive greeting but POW! she's back with a vengeance and now accusing me of shit I didn't do. After 14 months of the most monotonous job ever you'd think she'd trust me just a smidge to get the job done sans constant surveillance. I literally count the days until:
a) she retires
b) she gets hit by a bus full of nuns
or c) I get the hell on.

Went to a new doctor today. He's a wee little Japanese man, dapper as can be and so well-spoken that he could've played the role of a spy in a James Bond film to a tee. My last doctor was a little too happy with the prescription writing and a little too consistent with making an office visit last a minimum of 3 hours so I really had to make a change. My new doctor had me in and out in less than an hour and managed to cop a feel on my boobies in the short time I was there. I felt bad for the nurse lady he called in to supervise. Then again it's always a little awkward when you're being felt up and there's more than 1 other person in the room...

Had class tonight, tomorrow's chock full of plans and I'm feeling a little bit like I'm burning the proverbial wick at both ends but I shall survive. Don't plan on hearing from me much more this week as I'll be up in San Francisco visiting my uncle. I do so hope I'll be missed as much as I'll be missing you. Did you buy that? Cuz if you do I've got a bridge you might be interested in...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Lucky Tuesday

In two ways, this is my lucky day. I was supposed to report for jury duty but they only called groups one and two and I'm in group forty-one. I'm in no way opposed to serving on a jury but I really hope I don't end up getting called in on Friday because I have plans to go to San Francisco.
My other dose of luck came this morning when I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and discovered there is no meeting today. I guess because my work sponsors the group (25% discount, baby!) we have to get 15 people to sign up today before we find out if we'll be able to continue meetings next week. Considering the amount of fat-assed wimmins that work here, I'm truly shocked to see we're hard-pressed to find new members. Sheesh. Working for the Citay definitely has its perks. We get discounts on diet plans and the gym. If we're still heavy, it's our own damn faults. Just for the record, though, I did weigh myself at home on Sunday and according to my wee scale I'm down to 168.5. Then again, on the WW scale that would roughly translate to 172. Heh.
Perhaps some of the credit for my weight goes to Perry, my god of a trainer. I met with him on Saturday morning and my legs haven't been the same since. Ouch! The man knows what he's doing and being stretched by him on that lovely table was a dream come true. At the end of it all I told him I was intimidated when I first found out he'd be my trainer. He asked me why and I told him, "Have you looked in the mirror? You're very good looking." He kind of blushed which was funny to me and I told him I thought he'd be too cool for school. The truth? My man's a dork. He did the Running Man and the Cabbage Patch for God's sake. He said if I did well he'd dance for me, otherwise I'd be ridiculed in front of the gym. I'm holding out for the dancing over the next 6 weeks.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Randi with a Y

So it's not my name per se but close enough. Props go to BFF for this tasty little treat. Lord knows if she does something I'm going to copy her because she's just that cool. Good luck finding your own name in the GPK archives.

Dia De Los Presidentes

The good thing about a holiday is that you can catch a movie in the middle of the day. Normally, any movie before 6 p.m. is at the matinee price. Stop me if you've heard this, but on holidays, the matinee showings stop at 3 p.m. What does that mean? It means that I paid full price to see 8 Below in the middle of the afternoon. I'm already admitting I'm a spoiled brat because I got to see 2 movies this weekend but I can still be a cheap brat. Damn the man, he'll get you every time.
As for the movie, it's non-animated Disney at its finest. I love me some dogies so for most of the film I was a weepy mess. They were so brave! For 6 months they survived the harshest Antarctic winter and this movie does an amazing job telling their tale. For those of you that are jumpy like me, make sure the popcorn's off your lap if there's even a hint of a leopard seal. So scary. Thankfully, Disney took a cue from March of the Penguins and just had the dogs doing what dogs do without any silly voice-overs or fancy CGI work. While the story was pretty predictable I walked away with nary a hint of the mascara I walked in with still in tact and a happy heart. I wouldn't bring small children to this one, though, because the story line is pretty adult oriented and I think their little attention spans would find it hard to sit through a mostly voiceless movie. And before I go, props go out to the gorgeous Paul Walker for starring in a film that isn't completely retarded (don't see: Into the Blue, the Fast & The Furious franchise and Joy Ride). Well played, fine sir.

La Jolla Canyon

Pronounced La Hoya... not La Holla (back girl)! The temperature was about 60 degrees and we climbed a frickin' mountain on a Monday. What a way to start the week.



Saturday, February 18, 2006

Another Saturday Night

You know you're not living it up like you should when:

  • Your friend picks you up to go to the movies and says, "You better remember your glasses because I don't want to hear about you not having them later."
  • Said movie begins at 5:30.
  • You follow up your "early show" with dinner at Bakers Square along with the rest of the old folks brigade.
  • You make a pit stop at the market on the way home for milk and bagels.
  • You're safe and sound in your bed at 9:25 p.m.

So if you couldn't tell, this is pretty much how the weekend is going thus far. Last night? Completely anticlimactic. Stayed home alone and watched TV 'til I finally couldn't take it any more. Don't even think I made it to the double digits. Anywho...
The aforementioned movie was Freedomland and Oly summed it up best post-viewing by calling it a Lifetime movie gone horribly awry. This movie is apparently based on a book that was based on the Susan Smith incident a few years back. If you don't know about it, check out my new favorite website Crime Library for more details. Basically she blamed her children's disappearance on an alleged black car jacker. The truth came out 9 days later that she drove her car into a lake, her 2 boys still fastened in their carseats.
Freedomland focuses on the fall-out in the mostly-black projects and racial tensions in two police jurisdictions in New Jersey after a white mother blames her son's disappearance on a black car jacker. (This fall-out never did happen after Smith's accusations, FYI). Julianne Moore has never looked worse and anyone could have played her role with equal effectiveness. She played the former crackhead, uneducated mother in the film with a tendency to hurt herself and go into silent trances... Yah, I can't really explain. She was no less than terrible in this movie which is a shame considering she's one of the better actresses of our time. Never before have I seen Edie "Carmella Soprano" Falco looking so ordinary but her performance as a volunteer who searches for missing children was probably the best in the film. If you see this, check out how she breaks Moore's character down. Incredible. Samuel L. Jackson, as the detective, has some distracting accessories (some glasses that wrap around the back of his head and clip in the front and a mole-like black earring) and asthma attacks but nothing else really stands out about his character. There are about 7 different subplots going on at any given time and there isn't enough focus on Moore's character development. Mostly, this movie just irritated me because of the blatant ignorance of just about every character in the movie. There's adultery, abusive boyfriends, fire starting youth, good cop/bad cop, the dope head and kids in jail. Something for everyone.
So there you have it. I should've gone and seen (careful with these links as they are full o' sound) Date Movie or 8 Below but noooooooooo. $10 is too much for THOSE movies. Whatever.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Adult Day Care

So it's Friday, day three in a streak of the slowest work days ever. When it's like this I feel completely worthless. BFF's in D.C. so I'm one player down in the game of incessant e-mail tag. Gmail now has an in-browser chat but I'm pretty sure I can only harass Maine and Macca for so long before they block me. Homework's done. Work's non-existent. So I sit and I read blogs. Then I read the news. Then the celebrity gossip. What does a girl have to do to get Paris Hilton whacked? Talk about worthless. Jesus Christ. Does she do anything but squint her eyes and thrust that bony chest of hers into a camera? I know I'm not the first person to ask this question and she's yesterdays news but ew. She's not even cute. I hater.
Back to what I was saying, Fridays suck. And now an abrupt change of topic.
I'd like to take this opportunity to give a plug for John Legend Get Lifted, the CD I just got from good old Amazon.com. So good. I think the first song I heard was Used To Love U but the whole thing is poppin'. Snoop D.O. Double Gizzle even graces us with his presence in a cameo. Kanye West has a song called Gold Digger but it should've been called Golden Touch. Everything this man touches blows up. As a producer he is the man, as a rapper, meh, but he's still got a beat I can dance to. I liked Common before he collaborated with Kanye but his last CD, Be, is off the hook. That's all I can say about that. I would also like to point out the fact that I am a white woman using the words "poppin'" and "off the hook" like it ain't nothin'.
Please take this opportunity to give me your recommendation for my next multi-CD purchase. And TGIF, bitches.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

HockeyNT



This HNT is brought to you courtesy of Gerg who knew what a big smile this jersey would put on my face when he surprised me with it after the 2nd period of the last hockey game. Go Team USA! Nothing like some Olympic spirit.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

100%

Yes, you read that correctly. Our professor returned the test we took last week and I got 25 out of 25 questions correct. A solid A. As I've mentioned before, I haven't successfully passed a math class since my Junior year of high school almost eleven years ago. This class is the only thing keeping me from taking home my AA and transferring to a CalState. Only a couple months back I actually went to the counseling center so I could be tested to see if I had a learning disorder. They said yes. Well apparently they were wrong. This semester was off to a rocky start when I missed two out of four classes but I managed to "teach" myself the material I didn't hear straight from the prof's mouth. Every homework problem assigned I completed. There were only 2 people in my class of 20 that got 100% and I was one of them. Un.Fucking.Heard of. And to top it off, my teacher told me it was rare and remarkable that, considering my history, I could pull off the highest grade. So pat me on the back if you can catch me. I'll be the one doing cartwheels 'til I puke. Yippee!

V-Day Follow-Up

Just thought I would take a second to give a shout out to my mom for the Valentine's Day gift she gave me. For as long as I can remember, and probably even before then, she has given me and my brother a red gift on V-day. Sometimes it's a shirt or some underwear or like this year she got my brother some board shorts. She got me this. I don't celebrate this pagan holiday unless I'm on the receiving end so I got her nothing but can you believe this pen? It's got a red laser that shoots out of the tip of it. And a knife built inside. So now when I say I want to stab someone in the carotid artery with my pen just like they do in jail, I really can. Nothing says love like a frickin' laser beam.

Gym Jabber

Last night I finally talked myself into going to the gym after work. Tuesday's a good motivator what with the Weight Watchers and all. Being told how much you weigh once a week can really take the wind out of the old sails, if you will. I lost a pound this week but could've lost at least another had I not completely indulged in little foil-covered chocolate hearts and if the beer hadn't been flowing like water. Anyway, back to the gym. I'm on the treadmill, beebopping along like I always do to the fresh beats coming through on my MP3 player when I get eye contact from a trainer. Oh, eye contact. BFF has to remind me pretty frequently on my trips to NYC that eye contact is a no-no. It only leads to trouble. Said trainer proceeds to ask me if I'm new to the gym to which I giggle as no, I'm not, I just never go. Then he asks if he can set me up with a trainer for my first session to which I reply, aren't trainers expensive? All I want to do is rock out like a dork to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go but he won't leave me alone. So he says he can make it affordable and to "meet him for a free stretch" after my treadmill time is up. I agree and next thing I know he's spreading my legs for all the world to see my business, hand on my ass telling me how he can set me up with someone that can help me lose 12 pounds in 3 weeks. I. Can't. Say. No. Ever. So of course I end up signing up for a training session ( 6 for $200) and he wants me to meet Perry. Okeedokee. We go into the other room and I literally say, "Oh. It's you." Perry is HOT. Fine. He's a light skinned brown man (that's for you, Maine) with dreadlocks and the most gorgeous face in the gym. He's the kind of guy you'll work your ass of for just on the off chance he'll say, "Lookin' good." So I'm gonna do it. And so help me, I'll be down to my 10% Weight Watchers goal by my birthday (which just so happens to be May 12 in case you're wondering). That means I have to lose 11.2 pounds in 3 months to get to 160.6. My incentive? Getting Perry to say, "Damn, you look fine, let me stretch you." Haha. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Black Tuesday

First of all, a happy Valentine's day to all who celebrate. I chose to somewhat ignore this day as far as romance goes yet I am the big dummy that's wearing a heart necklace, a red shirt and passing out little red heart chocolates to my co-workers. It's not a day to be single I don't think.

And it's Tuesday so you must all know by now it's my weigh-in day for Weight Watchers. 11 weeks and $108 later I am down 5.8 pounds. That's a little over a half a pound lost a week. I'd say that's good but not great. I was really hoping to be in the 160s by now but I have only myself to blame. Damn you beer! Damn me and my lack of motivation to go to the stinkin' gym! Damn me and my lack of willpower when it comes to all things food related!

On a lighter note, I hope Cupid's good to you and that you are showered with chocolates and kisses all day long. Here's to long stem roses and candlelight dinners. Here's to love.
And here's to me throwing up on my desk a little bit.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Hockey Pics





Gerg and I took in the Kings vs. Dallas Stars game on Sunday. It's always kick-ass when your favorite team comes out of their losing streak only to beat the #1 team. I get that feeling every time the Dodgers beat the Padres or the Giants. In line for beer, Gerg & I unintentionally taught the Japanese counterworker how to say, "I hate you more." Luc Robitaille was honored before face-off for becoming the highest scoring player in the club. First period the Zam-Man had to come out and replace the glass not once but twice thanks to some serious puck shots. In the third period the Kings scored three times in the first three minutes. Excellent. All in all a fantastic way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Kings Rule!

Overheard in L.A.

Homeless Woman: Spare any change?
Guy in a Van: No. Sorry.
Homeless Woman: Well fuck you then. Go to hell.

Gotta love that shit, right? I guess she'd had enough of begging that day but that kind of language isn't going to get her very far...

News

Yesterday my phone rang at about 7 a.m. and I could see on the caller ID it was my brother. Seeing as he has a history of run-ins with the law (i.e. jail time, tickets, etcetera etcetera) my stomach did its reflexive jump. He sounded kind of quiet and I asked if everything was ok. He kind of just grumbled a little bit and I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Well I don't like the way Auntie Randi sounds." My immediate response was, "don't bullshit me." But it turns out that he and his girlfriend of almost 4 years are going to have a baby. In my mind Curtis will always be 12 years old but in reality, he's a man now at the ripe old age of 24. It's bittersweet in a way because I'm the older sister and I don't seem any closer to getting married or getting pregnant and it seems like I should've done those things before him. Somehow I feel really disappointed that I won't be the one to give my dad the grandchild he's been desperate for all these years but I'm so so excited to be an aunt, the cool family member my little niece or nephew will come to when s/he wants to bitch about mom and dad. It's going to be great! My uncle is my favorite relative and I want to be just like him... when I grow up? Either way. Just wanted to share my news. Can't wait 'til August to meet the little guy or gal!

the soon-to-be parents

Confirmation

This weekend did just that. It confirmed that I can't really say I'm a Catholic anymore. It's terrible to fall into the cliche that so many people my age fall into when I say "I'm spiritual, not religious" but after attending the most boring mass in history, being unintentionally persecuted for having an abortion 10 years ago, listening to why we shouldn't take birth control and how the act of homosexuality is a sin, there is no way I can never being comfortable claiming Catholicism again. Being a peer leader for 4 teenagers was a gift beyond anything I could have hoped for and they showed me just how naive I must have been when I was their age. They taught me more this weekend than I think I could ever teach them. Praying in a frost-covered field in 35 degree weather was awesome. It was very good for me to be able to share my beliefs in a group setting. But the most rewarding part of the weekend was reminding the kids that they should never stop asking questions of their faith, searching for knowledge and that it's never ok to judge someone just because they don't share the same beliefs as you do. There's so much more I could say and should say but I just don't think this is the time or the place. That's really the last of this topic I care to discuss on the old bloggage as I fear it will lead to inflammatory banter and I'm just not ready for that. I'll probably be back later but don't hold your breath. I don't want to be blamed for you passing out at your desk.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Caution: Somewhat Religious Post Ahead

Today marks the one-year anniversary of It's all about me... and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I feel like I've grown a lot in this last year and dragged some of you along with me for most of the way. It's been fun and I'm hoping it only gets better. Tonight I'm leaving for a weekend retreat where I will be heading a group of girls on their way to Confirmation. This is a Catholic Sacrament where as an adult you're basically confirming your faith, like a follow-up to Baptism. I am doing this as a favor for a friend of mine I've known since the 1st grade. This is the only favor he's ever asked of me so I couldn't turn him down. Plus, he's very special and can mention the Holy Spirit in passing without you wanting to punch him in the face.
A part of me just wants to be an impartial person that can answer questions of teens that might be questioning their faith. I also want to feel that sense of closeness that I moved back to Oxnard to find and that was completely lacking in my L.A. life. There's always a bit of an epiphany that comes along with volunteering that I can't seem to get enough of. When I went on my own Confirmation retreat, it was all about being able to spend a weekend getting to know my friends. Sometimes I think religion would be better off it would just preach the importance of relationships and community rather than be so preachy about why you're a sinner.
I went to Catholic private school from 1st to 12th grade. I'm sure most of you think that turned me into a naughty, kinky girl and most of you are right. Once I graduated, the only times I've set foot in a church have been for weddings. I always feel a little uncomfortable. I'm down with Jesus and firmly believe he existed as an amazing scholar with a good lesson for us to draw from. He was probably a great man but I don't know if I'm down with the whole son of God thing. And I can't say that I'm down with the church as an establishment. I can't hate on homosexuality because it's not a personal choice and my uncle happens to be a gay man and also the coolest guy I've ever known. I also can't pretend that pro-life is the only choice because at one point in my life I had to make the very difficult decision to have an abortion. No one should be limited in their freedom when it comes to their own body. Another reason I can't get behind the church? Well, the child molestation is about the biggest hypocrisy I've ever heard of and they covered it up and defended the priests who did it. That ain't cool. So this weekend I'm going to see if I can't rekindle a little bit of the spirituality I've lost along the way. Fill the gap if you will. Do I want to become a Bible-banger and tell you that I accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior? Not a chance. But I know there's a part of me that's down for finding a little peace. So I'm going to leave you with the lyrics to Pass Me Over by Anthony Hamilton that may come across as a little preachy but every time I hear the gospel sound of it a smile is on my face. If you've not heard his Ain't Nobody Worryin' CD, check it out. TGIF. I'm off to donate blood because apparently donating my whole weekend wasn't enough.

Another day, chance to make another chance
A fragile place running on empty
A smile so faint barely even break the space
World's on shoulders now
Don't be afraid he who knows will make a way
His world alone is what has kept me
Born the Son, King of eternal peace
Lay your burdens down
If you catch me dreamin', please don't wake me 'til I'm done
Just leave me sleepin' until the morning comes
Just pass me over, make believe that I'm not there
Just leave me be until the Savior comes
Another night, makes a way to the morn
Sleep in peace, joy come early
A covered child steps away victorious
Salvation holds joy for all of us

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Test Ease

Last night was the first math test I have had to take in maaaaaaany years. I felt pretty good going in even though I've missed half the semester's worth of classes and we're only about a month in. But the good girl that I am, I still did all of my reading and my homework. It's hilarious to me that I think doing the things a student is supposed to do is such a huge feat, like this isn't just what's expected of me. Anyhow, I just wanted to give a shout-out to my prof because I think he's the man. Not only does he spend an hour before the test reviewing the things we'll be tested on, he also lets us have a crib sheet that HE made for us with all kinds of formulas already there for the taking. Now that's a math class I think I'll pass. So while I'm not exactly sure of how I did, I didn't walk away in tears. It was a multiple choice test and the answers I worked out were definitely a, b, c or d so that's got to be a good sign, right?

On another note, I saw a middle-aged man on a skateboard this morning and I thought that was the greatest thing since sliced bread. It made me want to break out my banana seat bicycle with the sweet U-shaped handlebars and the streamers on it. Here's to never feeling like we're too old to do the things we love. Do you like how I made that all beautiful? How do I know that Mr. Skateboard didn't get a DUI and that's his only mode of transportation? Maybe he pushed a little kid off of it earlier and he was making a speedy get away. The eternal optimist I am...

So Fresh and So Clean HNT


Got a little bit of the love handle there for you to grab on to. HHNT!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Freaks & Geeks

Isn't it interesting how different generations and age groups view the world wide web? When I was a little bit younger, I dabbled in the personals at craigslist L.A. and was sure there'd be someone out there, just like me, who was normal but just a little bit lonely. After a string of blind date mishaps, I soon realized that online dating was not the way to go. Then came E-Harmony and now older folks are falling in love all over the place with regular people just like them. But don't get too comfortable because apparently myspace, the very site I used to track down a ton of peeps for my high school reunion, is also a dangerous den for child molesters to seek out their prey. Some think that bloggers are a bunch of losers with nothing better to do than read another person's drama. I, on the other hand, apparently one of those losers, have found blogging as a source of comfort almost. I can vent my frustrations here, tell of my hopes and dreams, keep my memories in a manageable format and in the process get support or encouragement when I need it. Body issues? Well put a picture up on HNT and have 20 strangers tell you you're sexy and you'll be surprised what a boost to the old self esteem it is. Frustrated with your diet? Chances are a couple other bloggers have the same feelings. So I know I really fell into the cheese category here but I just wanted to pull a little Bartles & James action and say thanks for your support, blog world.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Closing Time

I don't have to go home, but I can't stay here. As the end of my workday closes near I'd like to tell you what I did last night around this time. What does one need more than anything after a nine-hour Monday shift? If you said "alcohol" you're my kind of person. After work I picked up Miss Kitty and Mama Jill and we headed on out to Weaver Wines in Ventura for Madame Monday. Why no other bar has come up with this concept I simply can not begin to tell you. Basically it's Ladies Night but whereas other bars allow those with the penis appendage to prey on the unsuspecting vagina bearers, Weaver kicks 'em right out on their heinies because every other Monday is a "private party." Yes! We sat and had a cheese, bread and apple platter whilst sipping on some delicious vino and reveling in each other's undisturbed company. It was a perfect way to unwind. And I didn't even have to go home first to change my clothes into something cute because NO MEN ALLOWED means you can be "comfortable." I partook in a little thing called a "girl-tini" named Cupid's Kiss that was basically sparkling white wine (because champagne is technically only from Champagne, right?) with a watermelon-flavored syrup added to it. Like a bellini. Yum. Anyway, it was a refreshing change of pace and someday I'd like to invite all the lady bloggers that frequent It's All About Me to come along the next time they are in my 'hood. Imagine the shit talking we could do. G'night!

Liarmouth

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's telling you what I'm going to do and then turning right around to say that I didn't. Working for the PD, Randi? Nope. Graduate with your Associates Degree? Negative. Lose more weight on Weight Watchers? Not this time. Still doing the couple thing with Gerg? That's a negatory, good buddy. I guess I didn't learn my own lesson to just keep my mouth shut.
Not going to work for the PD ended up being a good move after all. Things are going well here in my department and right now this is what works. Especially for school. I'm actually learning something in my math class so my degree and transfer are just a breath away. The turn in weight loss (gained about 2 lbs. at weigh-in this morning) I'm blaming on "that time of the month" as well as copious amounts of food and booze consumed all weekend. Plus I was sickies and who wants to watch what they eat when all they want is comfort food?
As for Gerg. What can I say really? He's a great person and God-willing he'll be in my life for a lot longer as my friend and hockey buddy. Unfortunately, I went against my better judgment and tried to force myself in believing there was something wrong with me for not feeling the tingle for an all-around good guy. I jumped headlong into dating him because I was afraid to lose his friendship. Trying to convince myself that I had feelings that weren't there is not the right way to start any relationship. In the end, it probably would've hurt more the longer it went on. Better that it happened this way, early. The fact of the matter is, Gerg will make some lucky woman an amazing husband some day. And hopefully I'll be there to congratulate him when it happens.
As for me, it's back on the wagon again. Counting my points. Hitting the gym. Going to school. Doing my homework. Helping with the retreat. And doing it all as a single gal.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Big Winner!

So the 'hawks didn't win it last night like I'd hoped they would but I still came out on top. For the first time ever I played two football pools and totally won $140 in the first quarter! Just the night before that I decided to chance some hands at poker, something I never do, and won $5. Small pot for the poker game. That's some niceness right there. I believe it's also known as beginner's luck.

This weekend didn't go at all as I'd planned. Instead of going to a retreat prep meeting on Friday night I went to happy hour with some co-workers. Nothing to write home about there, ended up fast asleep by 8. A cold + beer = sleepy Randi.

Saturday I was supposed to give blood and get a haircut. They don't want your liquids if you're an infected person so I had to postpone that for another time. Which is actually a shame because they were giving away free boxes of See's candy in honor of Black Tuesday (a.k.a. Valentine's Day) if you donated. Oh well. My waistline is glad we missed that offer. After the incessant compliments on Friday I decided to push back the haircut for another two weeks. Is this not the most fascinating paragraph you've ever read? Shocking.

Yesterday was the big game. Gerg took me to a party to meet some of his friends and we got our eat and drink on. Good game. Funny commercials. I'm a sucker for Clydesdales, what can I say? I'm going to give you a surefire hit appetizer for any party where beer will be served:

Grab one round slice of salami
Spread a schmear of the fluffy cream cheese on it
Slice a peproncini in half so it's a nice sliver but not a whole pepper
Roll it up and seal the deal with a fancy toothpick

If those aren't gone in a matter of minutes then my name isn't Randi Anne. And that's all she wrote.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Pay It Forward

Apparently because I'm helping a friend out with a Confirmation retreat next weekend I've decided to get all spiritual on that ass. First with the Hasidic Reggae man and now with this. Let's hope I'm not the next recipient of the Immaculate Conception.
So I was in the market this morning picking up my meds (for my thyroid condition as I'm an 86 year old woman) and I notice a young man looking at me. Naturally, looking as good as I do, I'm feeling pretty confident so I make eye contact and smile. He shocks me with, "That's real nice haircut on you, looks good." Wow. Didn't see that coming. But it totally made me beam and really made my morning.
Cut to about an hour later and one of my co-workers walks by. I know she's self-conscious about her weight because we did South Beach together last year and I see she's lookin' good. Normally, I'd keep that to myself but today I decided to flirt with her a little and flat out told her she had on some flattering pants and they made her look tiny. She grinned ear from ear and told me I made her day.
So I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe we should just say some nice shit to people every now and then and that'll spread like wildfire. Amen. LOL.

Apples & Wine

I didn't write this and I'm sure it's been seen before but I love the sentiment, especially for all the singletons out there....

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of
falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something
is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait
for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all
the way to the top of the tree. Share this with women who are good apples,
even those who have already been picked!

Now men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to
women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.

Neat Stuff I Like

One thing I love about living in the 'nard is driving in the fog when it rolls in and surrounds the car with tunnels. Condensation drops from the sky so heavy it's like raindrops hitting my windshield. Oncoming headlights come in to view just in the nick of time and you never really know if you're following a car or being followed. It's one of the many reasons I moved back here. You just don't get fog like that in the city.

I may have mentioned this a couple of times before but I used to work for a summer camp named Camp Ramah. Thanks to this place of employment, I was immersed in a religious culture very similar yet so different from my own Catholicism and walked away with a pretty good grasp of some things Hebrew and many things Judaica. Because of this, my friends and family oft times come to me with questions about Judaism and Jewish culture. About 6 months ago my brother asked if I'd heard of a Hasidic rapper/Reggae singer called Matisyahu. He was literally obsessed with this guy and even had him as a ringtone. I had not heard of him but lo and behold, who was on MTV this morning but that very dude?! This guy blends some nice religious sentiment with some dope ass beats. You might want to check him out.

And if there is anyone out there who still isn't watching My Name Is Earl you should really be ashamed of yourself. I flippin' love Jaime Pressly and Jason Lee. And unlike Will & Grace, the guest stars that pop up actually have a purpose and will generally make you laugh out loud.

Hope that tides you over for a bit. Maybe I'll be back in a spell for a part deux. TGIF, bitches.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Archive HNT

I first posted this pic back in September before HNT entered my life. Seeing as I'm far from feeling sexy today in my current state of sickness I thought I'd introduce the newbies to my favorite party trick, the Gene Simmons:
Not the prettiest face but what can ya do!?! I flaunt the gift God gave me.
Happy Half-Nekked Thursday, Suckas.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Humpin' Sick Style

There is nothing more boring than a sick day. Day-time TV blows. One comforting thing is that no matter when I turn on The Young & The Restless it's completely followable even if two years has passed. I tried to really hang in there at the ol' workplace on Monday but only made it 'til noon and then yesterday I stuck in there 'til the whistle blew and I'm wondering if I did myself in inadvertantly. When I woke up this morning there was an audible rattle in my lungs when I breathed and the phlegm had been coming strong and steady. Forget about the cough that makes my sternum feel like it's exploding. That's only the part of it. What am I getting at you ask? Well why the fuck do I have to catch every contagious sickness that comes around the bend? Really. I mean this is my fourth cold in two months for chrissakes. Am I that succeptible to disease? Do I have some undiscovered, undeadly version of HIV that just makes me catch mild illnesses? Other than these bullshit colds that are just bad enough to be annoying rather than warrant hospital visits, I'm healthy as a horse. Sigh. Just wanted to bitch. Pity me, won't you? It's tea and soup for me.