It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Monday, October 31, 2005


For a quick second this morning I considered the above-the-knee hemline of my dress and wondered if I was going to be innappropriate at work. That was before I saw the I.S. guy dressed as the dark angel of bondage. Jesus Christ. That guy has a set of cojones on him so big I'm surprised you can't see them hangin' out of his skirt. As you can see, I chose to dress like a ferocious predatory beast better known as a cat. I'm a domesticated leopard. Try me. Somewhere along the course of the day my allergies forced me to wipe off my nose and whiskers. It was just about 100 degrees outside, 80 in our office. Let me just say that velvet and nylons do not breathe so comfort was not so much an option today.
Posing with me in the other photo is Johnny in the Mailroom a.k.a. The Terminator. I was really disappointed that only about 25% of our building showed up in costume for our Halloween potluck. I mean, they even sent a memo about it. Could I live Office Space any more than I do? Highly unlikely. Either way, the moral of today's story is: Get off your high horse for one day of the year and kick up your heels in a costume like a kid. There are good times to be had if you stop taking yourself so effing seriously. The End.

Happy Halloween!

The Inspiration and the finished free-hand product.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Kings Rule!

Where was I last night you ask? Oh, only at my very first kickass hockey game. If baseball wasn't so firmly embedded in every fiber of my being, hockey would definitey be my favorite sport. Full contact, lightning speed on ice skates, fist fights... excellent.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Saturday's Follies

Hike photos? Oh, no, sweetie, there are none. But it wasn't for lack of trying. Basically we were doomed from the beginning. Oly forgot to set her alarm clock so we were off to a shabby start but we were on the road only a few minutes later than scheduled. I got online and printed out directions to some castle ruins in Santa Barbara earlier in the morning so I was pretty pumped to see something new. Once we got on the road we decided wanted breakfast and against my judgment we did McDonald's. Ever since Supersize Me I've actively avoided the golden arches but for some reason a sausage McMuffin sounded like it would hit the spot so I caved. And boy was it sinfully delicious. After that we drove and drove and drove, I tell you. We got to the top of a mountain by Lake Cachuma which is no where near where we live and apparently no where near our hike destination as told to us by a passerby we flagged down shortly after realizing Oly's tank was virtually on E. Lovely. Because when you call AAA the first thing they want to hear is that they have to climb a precariously steep mountain in their tow truck to get you. Luckily we made it down the hill without running out of gas but not so luckily my bowels decided to turn on me. Surprised? Yah, me neither. I had to violate a ritzy golf course bathroom for several minutes and had to do the walk of shame in front of some high-paying club members before we got back on the road to fill up at the Lake for a whopping $3.15/gallon. TMI? You betcha! Did we give up looking for the ruins? No way, Jose. Did we find the trail? Negative, Ghost Rider. So after a 3-hour round trip we made it back home and I found my way back to bed. We were foiled from the get go and should have just gone with what we knew. Lesson learned? Listen to your gut instinct. Alas, there was one photo taken so here goes but try not to get too excited, ok? It's only a tree.

Friday, October 28, 2005


Spent most of today bouncing around college campuses working out the whole transcript issue so I's can gradumate. Blech. On the road some thoughts dawned on me. Bug exterminator guys probably get laid a lot, second only to UPS guys. Maybe not all bug exterminators but definitely the young hot ones. Because no girl likes to kill a bug. And hot guys generally don't have problems getting laid. Wow, where did I go just now?
If there was a camera in my car like on that one show, I would be mortified to see me playing my air drums. Or hear me belting out tunes like a pro for that matter. Thank God my inner hearing allows me to sound like a rock star. And while some accuse Maroon 5 of biting Jamiroqui and Stevie Wonder, I'm glad that they did. Even though that album is at least 2 years old by now it is still one of my absolute favorites to sing along to. Second only to Lionel. Oh, Lionel.

My dad sent me this picture of Hurricane Wilma and I'm sure it's made the rounds but to hell with it, I still think it's funny:

I'd also like to thank Shora for talking me into HNT and thank all my wee commentors for the kind words about the inkage. Almost makes me want to post more pictures of my half nekkid body so I can inflate my ego. And with that, TGIF.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

By Popular Demand

If by "popular demand" I mean one person's request, I'm posting my tats for Half Nekkid Thursday. I never realized how hard it was to take a picture of one's own back... or one's hip for that matter (check out the mani, bitches!). Please excuse the poor quality... of the pictures, not my ink, jerk! Without further ado:

I got that little butterfly when I was 19. Had to touch it up again so she's a little hazy. Should've been content and stopped there but noooooo, I had to get the Sistine Chapel on my lower back. So I can avoid questions I'll just give you the breakdown on how that big ol' bitch came to fruition.
The flame was first. The top character is Japanese for Bear and the one below is Love. That's not a sentence. Just 2 symbols. We'll just go with the meaning being I sleep and eat like a bear and love every minute of it. Or maybe I just love burly gay dudes. I'll let you decide which you like better.
Then came the fish in honor of BFF. Love that one. Found this out later:
"The Japanese consider it the most spirited of fish, so full of energy and power that it can fight its way up swift-running streams and cascades. Because of its strength and determination to overcome all obstacles, it stands for courage and the ability to attain high goals. The carp is an appropriate symbol to encourage the overcoming of life's difficulties leading to consequent success." So right on! Sounds like me, huh?
The tattooing really should've come to a screeching halt after that one but I decided I wanted to balance it all out with a windy looking number with fall leaves as everyone I know and love has a fall birthday. Get a little "elements" theme going with the earth, wind, fire and water, you know? Sadly, my "artist" was a drunken/spastic/epileptic/retarded freak and didn't know how to execute my request. Hence the finished product. BOO! Oh well, I'll get her covered or fixed one of these days.
Hopefully next HNT I can see a piece of you.

Blog Barf

I'd like to take this opportunity to question the purpose of the tiny pumpkins. I got a couple free ones at the Farmer's Market this morning and I am at a loss as to what to do with them. I suppose I could decorate 'em with a Sharpie but then what? Can you eat them? Because apparently if I have something in my vicinity that's edible, it's going into my mouth. Delicious.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to give a hand to Friendster for actually putting me in contact with someone that doesn't seem to be a hypothetical serial rapist. Why on earth would I say such a thing you ask? Well, I was accosted yesterday on myspace and am really questioning why I am a member of such a breeding ground for whores. Things were going smoothly in my e-mail exchange with a stranger and he was telling me how important physical chemistry/compatibility is with someone he's dating and how he wouldn't want to waste time if that wasn't there. Well you all know by now that of course I agree with that sentiment, hence the reason I had to declare "Friendship" with the widower and the phlebotomist. So after he heard that he thought it was a free ticket to ask the most inappropriate questions ever to fall upon these virgin ears of mine including but not limited to my pubies, the size of my napples and bedroom behavior, if you will. Ok, so no. That conversation was abruptly terminated. What the eff is wrong with people? Then this morning I get a request to befriend who I have to assume is Satan's right-hand man. To say I'm disturbed by this is an understatement at best.

Last night's sweeping of the Astros had to be the most anticlimactic baseball game I have ever watched. I am almost certainly going to hell for the language I used out of frustration due to lack of action. Though a big old congratulations goes to me for winning my $20 bet with Grandpa. Pay up, old man!

That oughta do'er. Have a good Thursday.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Trick Or Treat

With Halloween just around the corner I thought I would throw this out there:

No other candy epitomizes the taste of Halloween like a bite size miniature Tootsie Roll that has somehow gotten the subtle smell/taste of the bubble gum and other candies you have in your little plastic pumpkin/pillow case infused in its smooth chocolate self.

I have tested this theory time and time again over the past few weeks because apparently I just can't keep my fucking hands out of the candy dishes that are strategically placed around my office and home. People, I've gone so far as to eat "fun-size" Abba-Zabbas and Big Hunks and I'm not even really that fond of nougat. Do you see what I'm saying here? I will eat 100 miniature Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bars for the sake of scientific research. I'm a giver that way. Handfuls of peanut M&Ms? Ask and you shall receive, brother. I am at risk of my clothing never fitting properly again just so I can come to the conclusion that candy is delicious. Oh, how I long for the days of going door to door and coming back with more candy in my posession than was ever really necessary for a single human's lifetime consumption only to devour it all in the course of a week.
Kinda makes you want to be a kid again, eh?

The Day of the Hump

Boy don't I wish. But I digress. Yesterday was no good for me. That test(icle) and the quiz(ical) really let the wind out of my sails. On top of that I had to miss a hearty chunk of Game 3 and some hot dog action but I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. I have to give props to my folks and their witty game banter last night. Upon hearing the commentators say "if" a hundred times whilst speculating on why the Astros could win, my mom replied, "Well if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle." Classic. Then, as we watched El Dookay (spelled that way for pronunciation purposes only) throw balls rather than strikes and practically decapitate an unsuspecting Astro, my dad dubbed him "El Douchebag." Thanks to them, laughter drove those stormy biology clouds away.
As for tonight, I'm making up for the lost hot dog and crossing my fingers that the Sox sweep those Texan bastards this evening even though it will mean baseball season will be over that much sooner and I won't have any more games to curse at. God bless America's pastime.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Lame Like Me

Seems I cheated on my lover with a spork. Damn you, Taco Bell.





Comments Requested!!!

So about that paper mentioned below, if you have the time, drop me a line on how population has impacted your standard of living and the grand prize winner will be referenced in my paper. Actually, that is the grand prize... you being quoted... yah, I have no prize. Just help a sister out, would you?

Procrastination Nation

I wanted that to sound like Conjunction Junction what's your function so I hope you hummed and/or whistled when you read that title. So here I am at work VERY early and I came in with every intention to hit the books for the Biology exam and quiz I have this evening. Did I do it? Nope. Am I reading all kinds of blogs and writing e-mails? You betcha. Did I have all weekend to buckle down and end up watching every sports competition televised and otherwise commit all-around tomfoolery and shenanigans? Mmmhmmm. And what else have I put off doing? Well I just happen to have a 5-page paper due about either the Biotechnology impact on my life or Population impact on my standard of living that happens to be due on the 3rd that I haven't even begun to research. And on top of that? When was the last time I actually wrote a paper? I can't even remember, that's how long. 6 years? Maybe.
And while I'm on the topic of writing let me just say that when I started this blog I truly believed I had excellent writing skills and a vocabulary so vast that it would impress people. Then, I started reading blogs like Go Fug Yourself and QW Maine that I happen to have linked down below and I'm continually blown away by the extensive vocab, insane imagination, obscure references and just awesome, hilarious writing that I feel I pale in comparison. Not that this is a pity party but wow. I mean, I laugh so hard that sometimes I have to fight the urge to pee my pants. On more than one occasion I have experienced snot projectile as a consequence of stifling my laughter. I'm just saying, check 'em out if you need a giggle. Just don't leave me, k? I'm needy.

Monday, October 24, 2005


Ever since BFF moved to Manhattan I've vacayed there at least once a year. Call me bicurious. I mean, bicoastal. Anyhoo, one of the big differences between LA and NY is that NY is definitely a pedestrian town so you get to hear a lot of things you might have missed if you were in a car. Please go here to laugh at some deeply inappropriate yet hilarious things overheard in the citay on the right coast.

Como se dice en espanol...

the thing where you remember stuff by using other words to remember them? What did you say there, Randi? Well in my mind I'm thinking of a palindrome but that's when the word is spelled the same way backward and forward. But what I mean is what do you call it when you remember something like HOMES for the Great Lakes? You know, Huron Ontario Michigan Erie Superior? Or like in grade school when we learned My Very Educated Mother Just Saved Us Nine Pizzas when it came to remembering the order of the planets from the sun. What is it Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus (teehee) Neptune Pluto? Or like ROYGBIV for the color spectrum? Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet. OK, I'm showing off now... Do you have any others to add to the list? Perhaps you can tell me what the eff is the name of said procedure? Thanks. Cuz if you don't, I will absolutely lose my mind on this very melancholy Monday.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Weekend Wrap-up

As far as weekends go, this one had to be one of the more uneventful ones of late as far as "going out." Friday morning I found out I'm eligible for graduation so I'm positively elated. Seems I'll be the first one in the family with a degree. True, it's only my associates but it's a start. And even though I was told not to preface my new hair cut this way, I got a trim and now I unintentionally resemble Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. The resemblance is uncanny. Nothing like modeling your look after a woman that gets raped by the devil. Am I right? And though I have definitely looked better in my life than pictured below, I'd like to share my comparison. Note my spooky Halloween-themed attire to complement the scary movie pic:

Saturday was spent doing absolutely nothing though I am proud to say I made it back to the gym for the first time in at least a month. If you can even believe this, I actually jogged on the treadmill. And believe me I can feel it today. Also had lunch with the widower and positively decided it can't go further than the Kings game on the 29th. Seems he still has his deceased wife's voice on the answering machine and to top that he even has a license plate ring with her name and the date she was born as well as the date she passed. I understand holding it down for a loved one but once you decide to dive back into the dating pool, at least one of the aforementioned has to go. Call me heartless and I'll say you're dead on the money. I can live with that.
Props go out to the Chicago White Sox and Houston Astros for playing some killer baseball and making for a remarkable World Series thus far. Keep those wins coming, Sox, I've got a dub on the line. Pay up, Grandpa! Too bad about the Dallas Cowboys, huh? Didn't see that one coming.
I dedicated a whole post to my glorious Sunday hike so I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them. Sadly Oly caught me on film copping a squat with shame written all over my face. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. I figure if a horse can shit on a trail the PH in my tinkle won't throw off the environmental balance.
And there you have it.

Yet Another Hike

Saturday, October 22, 2005


Last night I had the misfortune of spending $9 on one of the worst movies I have seen in some time: Stay . While this film was pretty impressive in its cinematography and pretty aesthetically interesting, the story had me saying "What the fuck?" more than once. Out loud. It wasn't a big deal that I did, either, because there were a whopping four of us in the theater on its opening night. Not a good sign. Then again, I'm in Oxnard not L.A. and we farm people ain't so cultured. But I lived in L.A. and consider myself knowledgeable when it comes to movies and even independent films! And I still didn't get it or like it! Basically I think (think being the key word because I was so confused) that this movie was a ghost story. Ewan McGregor wears short pants and no socks through the whole film and it is distracting though I'm not sure whether it was a key aspect in understanding the film or if he just loves showing off his ankles. Both he, Scotland born, and Naomi Watts, Australia born, speak with English accents. Bob Hoskins of Who Framed Roger Rabbit fame also graces us with his presence though his character adds no clarity at all whatsoever. At some point, there are all kinds of people wearing the same outfits if that means anything to you. I truthfully can't share plot points here because there are none. The jumpiness and flashback feel of the movie basically did nothing more than make grasping the storyline next to impossible. Yah so basically, in summation, don't waste your money unless it is so you can see it and explain it to simpleminded me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Vanity Plates

In the 12 years since I've been driving I've had a couple of vanity plates. My first one was a gift from my brother. I had asked for it to say RANDEEZ, as in "Randi's car" but apparently they were out of those so I ended up with RANDIIZ. Close but no cigar. I had many misinterpretations of that one. Rand roman numeral 2 Z as in Rand 2 z store. Randitz. Eventually that bayotch had to go. When I got the new Bug (a.k.a. Vehicular Manslaughter) I got a wee little chubby for the kid's plates with the hand so I got another one and it said R(hand)ISBUG. Get it? Randi's bug? I know I've mentioned this before. And even though it took some time for most folks to figure that one out I thought I was pretty clever. Sure there was teasing like Ruh-handi's bug but that shit looked real cute and I was very pleased. Then one incredibly rainy day some S.O.B. with nothing better to do went ahead and stole my back plates along with my Dodgers license plate ring, both gifts mind you. Boy was I pissed. And ya wanna know why? Because once one plate is gone you have to file a police report, turn the other one in and the DMV will not reissue you the same plates lest the po-lice run it and you get pulled over for stolen property. SUCKY indeed. To get to the point, yesterday my friend Oly who works at the station e-mailed me and told me the police code for vehicular manslaughter is 192PC. So now I'm thinking of getting a new vanity plate since I just can't get enough and I think the little transvestite (a "girly" car with a V-6 and 6 gears a.k.a. "balls") I drive needs something to set her apart from the other Beetles on the road. Maybe MY192PC or just the code itself. I wonder what kind of police officer attention I might attract, who I might meet due to that, if it's even worth it or if vanity plates truly are the lamest thing ever. I'm open for opinions to see if I'll go and git 'er done. Thanks.

Tracksy & The Two-Headed Baby

A few months ago, BFF introduced me to the highly effective yet insanely addictive Tracksy counter system thingy for my blog. I get a kick out of seeing who's been looking at my thoughts and when and if there are repeat offenders. It sure helps pass the old work day. What I have noticed, though, is a bit of a disturbing trend. Imagine my surprise when I saw 41 hits today! I thought, wow, people must love Lionel as much as I do. I'm not alone! And boy does that beat my average of about 10 peeps a day. But when I looked at how the viewer ended up on my page, it's mainly through's search engine. For the 2-headed baby. It seems that there is quite a bit of interest on that topic. So if you, too, would like to increase viewer traffic on your blog, I'd write a story about the kid with the creepy hat on. I'm just trying to share my knowledge. You'll thank me later.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Sing It, Lionel.

I'm going to let you in on a dirty little secret... I'm obsessed with Lionel Richie. I sing with him in the shower almost on the daily. About 2 years ago, I purchased the 14-track, greatest hits Back to Front CD and when I recently discovered it was scratched I immediately upgraded to the 20-track Definitive collection. I think I orgasmed... not sure.
I don't know when this all started but I'm pretty sure it was a few years back as I was nestled in a dreaded 405 traffic jam from hell and "Lady (You Bring Me Up)" by the Commodores came on the radio. It just hit me. I mean, Brick House might as well be my anthem but that other song brought out the car singer/backup dancer in me like no other. Should memory serve me correctly I even recall audience participation. If by audience participation I mean passerby motorists gawking at the crazy white woman rocking out alone in her vehicular manslaughter.
But it goes back much further than that. You know those truck bed covers? Well I actually have memories of lying on my back with some girlfriends at the ripe young age of , oh 9, "Dancing on the Ceiling" of the camper cover. Yah. Cuz Lionel moved me, dude. Moved us.
And what about the love story of the "Hello" video and the blind girl sculpting the bust of Mr. Richie... seeing him through her love. Jesus help me, a tear just sprung to my eye.
As for "Three Times a Lady" you need look no further than Eddie Murphy's Buckwheat beltin' out the jams. Mockery is the finest form of flattery? Is that it?
Dude, the hits are just too many to list here. What did have have like 18 #1s? Back to back? Maybe not but all I'm saying is that if you've written off Lionel or never gave him the chance, do yourself a favor and let him in. Teenage girls, you can keep Nicole. I'll take her pops any day.
And as for that graphic below, it's on a tee shirt that I literally have to tear myself away from buying every time I'm in Santa Barbara but should you be so inclined to want to buy it for me, I will not hesitate to share my shipping information.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

What's In A Name?

Next time I complain that I have a boy's name or some craziness I must remember what I could have been named... the name Randi was derived from (shudders):

Gender: Feminine
Usage: Ancient Scandinavian
From the Old Norse name Ragnfríðr, which meant "beautiful advice" from regin "advice, counsel" and fríðr "beautiful".

It's either that or apparently Randall means Wolf Shield. Yikes.

Tuesday's WOD

Main Entry: zaf·tig
Pronunciation: 'zäf-tig, 'zof-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Yiddish zaftik juicy, succulent, from zaft juice, sap, from Middle High German saf, saft, from Old High German saf -- more at SAP
of a woman : having a full rounded figure : pleasingly plump

My ex used to tell me my body reminded him of renaissance paintings and ancient marble statues. Talk about missing the hell out of that guy. Haha. So the next time you're tempted to call yourself the eff word, use zaftig instead. And as I told BFF yesterday, remember that 8% of your weight is blood. Mmmhmmm.

The Singleton

In the past week I've been referred to as Bridget Jones by 2 different people on 2 separate occasions. The first being because I blog. I say it's more Sex & The City but I can see the BJ (haha BJ) reference, too, because in her wee diary she rants about the single life and her weight issues. As do most women methinks. The second time was because I was in bed last Saturday at 2 in the afternoon eating a delicious Chocolate Bar Hazelnut candy bar and reading People magazine. And why not I ask you? I put in a good hike that morning, I felt I deserved some serious lounge time. But I digress.
I'm finding myself in another Bridget Jones-esque situation: several upcoming weddings and nary a date to be found. Mind you, these weddings are still in their planning stages so I still have some time but there is really nothing more daunting than finding someone to take with me or showing up alone. Neither sound so appealing. It's times like this that a boyfriend or good male friend would come in handy.
As for the phlebotomist, I'm pretty sure he's taken the hint because I haven't heard from him in several days. The widower, however, is a persistent little devil. He called me last night to invite me to my very first hockey game at the end of the month. Made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Go Kings! So looks like I'll have to give the "I just want to be friends" speech and hope it goes over better than a fart in church. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, October 17, 2005


pomaceous • \poh-MAY-shuss\ • adjective 1 : of or relating to apples*2 : resembling a pome

Randi could you use that in a sentence? Why sure!
My butt is pomaceous enough to wear rapstar Nelly's Apple Bottoms jeans. (Careful with that link, the jams'll smack you like ya mama.)
Someone's pomaceous heiney probably inspired the trainwreck that is the BlackEyed Peas song My Humps.

On another note, Kitty and I went to farmer's market yesterday morning and apparently the persimmon is the new peach. Go and get one. They're deeeelicious. Crunchy like an apple yet not so sweet.

Yah, I've got nothin'.


If this morning gets any worse I'm going to have to throw in the towel. It'll be all over for me, folks. I woke up to the sound of rain. Not bad in and of itself but not the greatest way to start a Monday of all days. After a restless night I decided to skip the gym when I woke up with a touch of nausea. No sense getting on a treadmill if I feel like I'm going to barf on it. Slippery. That blows because I'm trying to be good about my diet and exercising so I'm off to a bad start. The rest of the morning goes without consequence and I had a great time singing along with Lionel Richie in the shower. All hell breaks loose when I decide to be a girly girl and curl my eyelashes. There is nothing like dealing with body hair, am I right ladies? If I'm not plucking or shaving or combing or fluffing or curling or blow-drying it just isn't a day. So let's just put it this way, the current score is eyelash curler 1: eyelashes 0. The eyelash curler now resides at the bottom of my trash can. And would you like to know why? Well it decided it wanted to play the role of scissors this morning and cut the tips off my lovely long eyelashes. On only my right eye. So now I'm a freak. I knew there was a risk of plucking too much when it came to the eyebrows but I never for one second realized my eyelashes were in danger. So yah. Someone definitely shit in my Cheerios this morning so peace out. Hope your day's better than mine.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ah L'Amour

I obsessively check my horoscope on because 99% of the time it is so dead on that I wonder if they are reading my e-mails or have someone following me. Then there's the 1% where they're just totally off, as in today:
Today, or rather tonight, is for romance and cozy intimacy, dear Taurus. You pull out all the stops for your evening with that special someone. Scented candles, your best perfume and your most sensuous clothing works to enchant the person who is already head-over-heels in love with you. Your relationship is clicking along just beautifully right now. Why not celebrate in some special way?
Frankly, the only two men I do have in my life right now I'd just as soon not have there. One is under the impression that I'm his girlfriend though we've never even held hands. The other is clearly not over the death of his wife (completely understandable) but is ready for some female companionship. I, on the other hand, have a desire to be no more than friends with these guys. They seem cool enough to talk sports with, maybe go to a pumpkin patch to find me the perfect jack-o-lantern, grab dinner or a drink with. There just seems to be too much pressure and I feel like I'm playing the role of the dude here. I don't return calls, I'm distant and it just fuels the fire. What can I say? I must be irresistible. All I know is I've fallen into the trap of a relationship that's no good before just because someone paid me a little attention and it's not going to happen again. I'll just hold out for the elusive Mr. Right. The one that will give me butterflies in my stomach. The one that will not bug the shit out of me with phone calls because I'll welcome them. And he'll definitely be the one I want to get down with. Haha. Boomchickapowwow.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Hike Photos

It's pretty awesome to start your weekend seeing things you've never seen before right in your own back yard. Mind you, it wasn't my yard and technically we were trespassing but still. What might shock you about these pictures is that I'm pretty sure we were navigating around what I'm presuming was some sort of water treatment plant. Go figure. According to my brother, had we ventured further we would've stumbled upon a cave and a rope we could've used to rappel down to another water fall. How about that? It would have been helpful to know that BEFORE we went on the hike rather than after we got home. Oh well.

Blow My W.O.D.

Get it? Word of the day? W.O.D.? I kill myself. In other news, it has always tickled me when people say masticate instead of chew. Now we have a new word to take over for pee:

Main Entry: mic·tu·rate
Pronunciation: 'mik-ch&-"rAt, 'mik-t&-
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -rat·ed; -rat·ing
Etymology: Latin micturire to desire to urinate, from meiere to urinate; akin to Old English mIgan to urinate, Greek omeichein

I seriously can't remember the last time I typed the word pee. Were so fond of piss now aren't we? And with that, have a lovely weekend.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Word of the Day, Part Deux

And since my last post was such an angry spewing, I thought I would lighten the mood a bit with a little Barry White, a couple of candles, and one of my personal favorites:

Main Entry: be·drag·gled
Pronunciation: bi-'dra-g&ld
Function: adjective
1 : left wet and limp by or as if by rain
2 : soiled and stained by or as if by trailing in mud

I tend to use bedraggled to describe how I feel if I'm "spent" or hung over even though it doesn't even come close to its true meaning. Perhaps you will now use this word in casual conversation and stump your friends.

Thanks for assisting me in my quest.

Farewell "Fat"

Once upon a time in February I decided to be a copycat and start a Blog just like BFF. The reason? I was "fat" and wanted to document my weight loss. As you can see, things didn't exactly turn out the way I intended them to. First of all, I've not lost a single pound. If anything, truthfully, I've put a few on. Secondly, this has become a forum for my random ranting and ramblings about things more interesting than weight. Thirdly, my Blog now helps me pass the day and "meet" some new peeps. Peeps I probably wouldn't have "met" had they stumbled upon this here Blog and found me crying for months on end about a few extra pounds I'm trying to shed. Do you know why? Because I'm not fat. At best, I'm at the cusp of being overweight. Yes, I could stand to lose a few but who doesn't think that? And do you want to know why I'm not fat? Little kids don't point at me and laugh as I approach them on the street. Guys that I have to assume aren't chubby chasers have dated me, flirted with me and had sex with me without cringing. I can bend over (nice follow up to the sex statement huh?) without gasping for breath. I do not have obesity-related diseases like high blood pressure or diabetes. I am not forced to buy my clothing in special stores with names like The Dress Barn. While I don't exercise regularly, I can participate in strenuous activities like hiking and cycling without falling short of breath. When I fall down, I am able to get up without a struggle. See? All things that I associate with fat. And I can't begin to tell you how it frustrates me to listen to women that rant relentlessly about their weight yet continue to eat everything in sight. Things I've learned? If you hate your body, do something about it or shut up. Losing weight is HARD. It takes some serious dedication, long-term commitment, exercise and a whole lotta sacrifice. So don't just say "I'm fat" so people tell you that you aren't. It is just not cute. This concludes my rant and begins a phase of not talking about weight here any more or using the word "fat" heretofore henceforth.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Word of the Day?

Ok, so I might not do this every day, rather when the spirit moves me. I see myself as a wordsmith of sorts. Scrabble really brings out the beast in me. However, as I update this blog on the daily I begin to wonder if my vocabulary is really as expansive as I'd like to believe it is. The other day, Gran dropped the word "nickelodeon" on me out of no where. For those of you in my age range, I'm sure you associate this to the children's cable television network that brought us such hits as You Can't Do That On Television and Spongebob Squarepants. In Gran's mind, though, it's a jukebox. So I have to wonder, what other words are there that we no longer use or use much differently than initially intended? I'm not going to blow my wad on one post though. Gotta keep you coming back for more...

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Last night was filled with my favorite things! Movies, music and books! And since I know you're dying to hear my opinion on everything, here goes:

I went to see Wallace & Gromit The Curse of the Were-Rabbit after work last night. So to preface this, I have a free pass to movies so I get to see pretty much what I want when I want but I totally would have paid to see this movie, it was that cute. Plus, who doesn't love a bunny? I'm going to risk sounding like Mariah Carey here, but I really want to speak like a Brit. Lovelovelove their understatedness. Maybe that's not a word but it is today. Ralph Fiennes and Helena Bonham Carter both lend their voices to the supporting cast. There is something to be said about the state of cinema today when a claymation flick tops most of the movies I've seen of late. (See also: Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride)

Then when I got home I opened the mail and found my wee order had arrived from Amazon:

Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine: It's been 6 long years since we've been graced with some new, melodious music from this young lady. This album is on par with, if not better than, her others and it was totally worth the wait. Nothing like a little female angst and girl power to get you going in the morning. I don't know of another voice like hers or a stronger message for the grrrls.

Franz Ferdinand's You Could Have It So Much Better: Every bit as good as their self-titled debut. They're just a funky little Scottish band reviving sounds of the 70s and 80s. If you like yourself a little high-hat, go get it.

James Frey's My Friend Leonard: A follow up to his other book that I told you to read about a week ago. I bought the hardcover because right now it's at a very reasonable price and its weight sure feels good in my hands. This book frowns on things like correcting run-on sentences and laughs in the face of punctuation and quotation marks. It kind of feels like reading a very long, deep poem about his post-rehab life. He is a man's man writing for himself and we just happen to be so lucky as to read along.

So there you have it. Those ought to hold you over for a while.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Help A Sister Out

Ok, it's gotten to the point where I think I need to let the phlebotomist go. Don't get me wrong, this is one nice guy. He's got a good sense of humor, not bad looking, a gentleman, all that jazz. Fact of the matter remains, though, that I don't have that chemistry with him that I'm looking for in a boyfriend. I really can't even imagine kissing him but it's not because it grosses me out, it's just I don't feel it. However, and here's the part I know men LOVE to hear, I'd like to remain friends. It is a dreaded word, I know. So I'm reaching out to you, 7 readers, and asking for your advice. Do I tell him "let's be friends"? Do I say, "I have no desire at all to make out with you but kicking it seems like it works"? What would you do and or want done to you. The thing I'm most worried about is that he's definitely more into this than I am. He started calling me "honey" last night and asked what "we" were doing this weekend. Um... yah. So I don't want to really believe we're friends and have him secretly pining for me. Because I've done that shit as both the piner and the pinee and it ain't cute. K. Let me have it.

Happy Hump Day

Thanks to this site I can give you a whole lot of useless information about Wednesday.
The mid-day of the week is named for the Norse God, Odin. He was also known as Woden or Wotan. Unlike many of the other days of the week, this day did not correspond roughly with the Roman designation for the day. (The Roman's named Wednesday for the messenger God - Mercury - In Romanian, the day is still known as miercuri). The early Scandanavians and Germans believed that Odin was the chief God of Asgard and as such deserved to have a day of the week named for him. The Anglo-Saxons used the word, Wodnesdaeg.
Wednesday is often reffered to as "hump day" because of its position as the middle day of the work week. If the work week were a hill. Then Wednesday would be the crest. It is all down hill from there. (Whether the down hill ride is a coast or a descent into a swamp is left to the individual.)
Only one holiday typically recurs yearly upon Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the official begining of lent. It is called "Ash" Wednesday because since the 400's it has been the day upon which religious penitent's foreheads are marked with ash. It is a reminder of the mortal condition of the flesh - that we are all dust. This day is a variable date dependent on the date which easter falls.

For me, Wednesday means talking about the weekend. What about you?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pythons Everywhere!

Hide the babies! Check under your beds! They're not just after the 'gators anymore. Nosirreebob. In less than a month, another python is grabbin' headlines. This time, a python ate a Siamese cat in Florida. While not nearly as impressive as a 'gator splittin' its gut, you do get to see X-rays. Go here for the full article and images! Funny... never gave much thought to pythons before. Wonder if this is a terrorist's doing.

Work Tunes

As far as work music goes, I have to give it up for the Plush station on Radio VH1. For instance, as I type, Sheena Easton's "Morning Train" is on. I mean, does it get better? I'm talking Styx, Journey, frickin' Dolly Parton, a wide variety of music from the 80s and 90s and today's chart toppers... easy listening at its finest. I seriously can not listen to Dave Matthews Band, Alannis Morrisette, Sheryl Crow or Coldplay so I'm grateful for the skip ahead option. Which is funny cuz I used to really heart Coldplay and now I think Chris Martin is just another whiny Brit that can't sing on key. And what the eff is up with Jack Johnson? Is every single one of his songs the same only with different lyrics or is it just me? He reminds me of some Sesame Street character teaching me to recycle or something. Christ Almighty. If you live in Southern California you would swear he was the second coming for all the surfers and stoners down here because he is literally on EVERY radio station. Another reason to listen to Radio VH1? It's free... for now.

It's Raining Men

Well, not really. But it does seem to be a good time to be single right now which is a pretty foreign feeling. My life of late, from what I've been told, has been resembling a Sex & The City episode. Minus the sex, sadly, but what can you do? I mentioned the phlebotomist in a prior post so I won't go back into that. While he and I are still talking I don't really feel any chemistry there. Very nice, just don't get the urge to make out with him when we're together. Pretty sure that's a sign. Then last weekend at the Relay I met a very nice widower and we had so much in common that I gave him my number afterwards and he actually called last night. Is that tacky? Well if it is, it can't be as tacky as Charlotte picking up on a guy at a funeral. Thanks go to BFF for that one seeing as I've never seen the show. Last night I went to an appreciation dinner for being on a committee here at work and I met another charming young lad who actually planted a kiss on my hand when we parted. How's that for romantic? So after a mighty long dry spell of not meeting anyone it seems my luck has taken a turn for the better. What's interesting is that my horoscope yesterday on MSN actually said something about me oozing sensuality in the evening or some horseshit along those lines and look what happened. In other words, "See?"
Not my finest post but it's still early....

Monday, October 10, 2005


For those of you that have yet to check out the gator that was eaten by a python please do. There is a serious lesson to be learned here about your eyes being bigger than your stomach. It's stuff like this that keeps me going on a daily basis, friends. I'm one sick puppy.

Love Stinks

This weekend I took in Just Like Heaven starring the lovely Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo. There was even a wee cameo by Napoleon Dynamite. And yes I know that's not his real name however the character was so similar I don't care to differentiate. It is movies like this that set young women around the world up for a life of heartache and disappointment. Now, I'm not saying I didn't like the movie because I did. I'm just glad it was free and I didn't have to drop a small fortune on it. And, truth be told, I totally want Mark Ruffalo as my boyfriend. Well, maybe not the actor himself, but definitely the character he plays in movies like this and 13 Going on 30. He's the sensitive, best friend that you want to fall in love with. The guy that has only known you for a day but knows he can't live another day without you in it. He's the one women write love songs for. CHEESY but true. So this movie led me to ponder, are there really guys like this out there? The one that will find your body after your ghost haunts him? The one that will build you a fucking garden on your rooftop so you'll remember the love the two of you once shared? Or will women around the world just have to settle for forgetful, beer guzzling, farting boyfriends? OK, so the ghost thing was a little unrealistic, but you catch my drift. Are there really romantic gentlemen waiting to fall in love somewhere in this great big world of ours?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

More Pictures

Here are some of my favorites from today's hike. And a traffic jam on the PCH while we were waiting for a motorcycle accident victim to be airlifted via helicopter. Never thought I'd see that ...

Big Day

Today started with a gorgeous hike which led to a wee bike ride and climaxed with my participation in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. I'll be walking again tomorrow morning at 3 a.m. but that is another story for another day. Thanks to the peeps that supported my cause after some serious browbeating, I was able to raise over $700. Truth be told, it wasn't as powerful an experience as the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer but it was still a wonderful event to be a part of. I was doing ok emotionally until I happened to glance at one of the luminaries (little bag that has a candle in it and a tribute on it). Most were in memory or honor of a family member or friend. As I've mentioned before, my brother lost his life to cancer and my Gran is a breast cancer survivor. Well it never even dawned on me that I lost one of my best friends to cancer too. Yes, she was my dog but she was more than that. She was a confidant. A family member. So the next time you drink a 40 oz., tip a little in her memory won't you? Love you, Tippi.
Update: This photo was taken at 5 a.m. after I walked for 2 hours while you were snuggled all cozy in your bed.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Oh Sweet Internet

I never realize what a crack-addict I am when it comes to the dubya dubya dubya 'til it's taken away from me. This morning when I tried to log on I had no internet connection. Luckily, I pay attention when the techies help me out and I remembered one said static can build up in the cable splitter so I dutifully disconnected my whole thingamabob and reconnected it. Still nothing. Naturally I reboot because nothing fixes a computer like shutting it off, am I right? Yah, nothing. At this point I've spent nearly 20 minutes fumbling with cables and wireless connections and all the fun deelyboppers that come along with computer ownership, I'm pulling my hair out, this close to breaking a sweat, cussing at and damning the internet and trying to no avail to get online. As a last resort, I did something I dreaded doing and called my provider, waiting to hear the arrogant advice of a techie. He'll be mad at me because I don't know the technical lingo, I'll be pissed at him because he doesn't fully grasp the English language... but no. Per a pre-recorded message it seems the whole network was down all over the SoCal area. All my trials and tribulations were for naught. Awesome. So here I am again! Did you miss me?
TGIF, bitches.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

That's a Huge Bitch!

Why does that line make me laugh so hard? Damn you, Rob Schneider as Deuce Bigalow for nurturing the immature beast in me. Am I the only one that thought The Hot Chick was funny? Now, I'm taller than your average woman coming in at 5'8" but this is just silly. It's funny how you see midgets in real life but not so much with the giants. I watched The Longest Yard last night on the DVD. Not Adam Sandler's finest hour and a half but there was a giant in it! As was Rob Schneider! I guess when it rains it pours. Feast or famine when it comes to the abnormally large.
This particular young lady is Polish. Standing at over 7' tall. Clearly.

Cancer Sucks

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As most of you know by now, I hate cancer and participate in walks and fundraisers against it as often as I can. If you hate cancer and love women and boobies, please click on the little pink button on the bottom right of this screen. Click it every time you visit here. Click it 'til you can click no more. And if you're feeling very generous today, please click on the Hate Cancer Like I Do link below and make a donation for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. It's this weekend. I thank you. And women and boobies across the country thank you as well.

Mightier Than The Sword

I was thinking about words more than the pen but you get the idea. Why is it that when you write something it tends to come across as far more serious than ever intended? Is it because when you say something it can be easily forgotten but when it's recorded on page or on screen it's there to be read over and over and so hits closer to home? It's just like when you do an intervention or apologize it's said you're better off writing down what you have to say because you are less likely to be inhibited by emotion. Years ago when IM was new, BFF and I used to go to town on that damn thing. I'm talking 5 minutes of work and 55 of chatting. What we realized, though, was that we used to fight like cats and dogs. IM seemed to give us the anonymity to say whatever we felt because it wasn't our voices talking, it was our fingers. And we could write anything we pleased because we weren't face to face. There was no human aspect to what we were doing. Even now, though IM has long been out of my life, in e-mail even the simplest of things can be misconstrued and turned into a "misunderstanding." I have a tendency of being blunt and very black and white. I'll say stupid shit like "so don't take this the wrong way" or "sorry if this comes across as mean" and it will totally change the tones of my words. So if I ever leave you a comment or send you an e-mail and you read it and say to yourself, "what the fuck is Randi thinking?" just remember this post. Take my words with a grain of salt if you will. I love a good moral, don't you?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Read It

Yesterday I finished one of the best yet most disturbing books I've read in a long time. It's called A Million Little Pieces by James Frey and it's his memoir about rehab. As someone who has been in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic and has a history of substance abuse in her family I felt compelled to read this book to get a better understanding of what it's like to be an addict. While this book revolted me it also sucked me in to a world I had no idea existed. A world of whores and crack and real people that suffer daily with demons some of us are blessed not to know. One reviewer was quoted as saying this book would be the final word on the topic and I firmly believe that. Frey doesn't mince words and he shows you how if you want something bad enough, you just have to do it. An alcoholic since the age of ten and a drug addict since twelve, he was beyond the point of salvation but he survived to tell the tale. And what a tale it is. Please don't be turned off by the fact that this is an Oprah Book Club choice. It is truly worth the read.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Photo Opportunities

Sudsy fountain in Ventura & a lovely rainbow.

A field near the pad after the fire & a huge spider.

I told you I've been lovin' me some camera lately....
Oh and here's a pic of me in the vehicular manslaughter after I got my hairdid (again) with some blonde streaks! That's for my grrrls. Jesus, am I wearing yet another black tank top? Time to go shopping.

Alcohol By Mr. Brad Paisley

I can make anybody pretty.
I can make you believe any lie.
I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size.
Well, I've been known to cause a few break-ups,
An' I've been known to cause a few births.
Well, I can make you new friends, or get you fired from work.

And since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg an' Bordeaux, France,
Been making the bars lots of big money,
An' helpin' white people dance.
I got you in trouble in High School,
But College, now that was a ball.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:
Alcohol; Alcohol.

I got blamed at your wedding reception,
For your best man's embarrassing speech.
And also for those naked pictures of you at the beach.
I've influenced Kings and world leaders,
I helped Hemingway write like he did.
And I'll bet you a drink or two, that I can make you put that lampshade on your head.

'Cause since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg and Bordeaux, France,
I been making a fool out of folks just like you,
An' helping white people dance.
I am medicine and I am poison,
I can help you up or make you fall.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:

Yeah, since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg an' Bordeaux, France,
Been making the bars lots of big money,
(Helpin' white people dance.)
Yeah, I got you in trouble in High School,
But College, now that was a ball.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:
Alcohol; Alcohol.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

To Fade.

Multiple Brain Farts

Bye, bye Jim Tracy. You will be missed although not by me or my dad who will cuss you out at a moment's notice. It seems the boys in blue will be getting a new manager next season. Maybe now they can have a fighting chance of actually getting to the playoffs and/or win a flippin' World Series already, for the love of Kirk Gibson.

A body was found in Pico Rivera in a garbage bag. Quote of the day: "He says, 'It smells really bad.' We notice the smell. He comes up to us and he says, 'Dude, those are legs.'" I love that MSN actually quoted homey saying "Dude." I drop that word like it's hot at all times but really... Is it newsworthy?

When you read a person's musical interests on any profile from here to eternity on this the world wide web it almost always says "everything but country." While I will definitely agree that some country is hokey I highly recommend the song "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley. More than likely I'll be posting the lyrics here sometime today because they are that clever. It's on par with Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places" for songs about booze.

Blogger seems to be correcting my spelling for me so I just wanted to give them a shout out. Multiple Brain Forts. Pico River. Filipino World Series. MSUM. Brad Pascal. Quoted home. I mean, wow. I had no idea. I've literally corrected and reposted this post at least 5 times and it's really not even worth it. Go figure.

biddih biddih That's All, Folks.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Hastily Put-Together Movie Reviews

I totally forgot to mention I saw The Corpse Bride like 2 weekends ago. It's probably old news by now but I really liked it. This isn't really an overwhelming musical and the tunes are pretty catchy. I prefer Nightmare Before Christmas, however, thumbs up for Danny Elfman. Most of the jokes and the story line itself are predictable but there's something very charming about a claymation movie. The characters are awesome to look at. It's very clear that it is a painstakingly difficult procedure and the visual stimulation alone makes this movie worth seeing.
This weekend I saw In Her Shoes. For anyone who has read the book by Jennifer Weiner I would probably say skip it. The film comes across as very dramatic whereas the book is very light in its tone while dealing with fairly serious issues. It's chick-lit at it's finest so it makes a decent chick flick. Cameron Diaz is little more than annoying eye-candy but I give her props for having the nicest legs and cutest ass in show business. Toni Collette's character is supposed to be a big ol' fatty but in the movie she's not at all. She's mostly just insecure so I could totally relate to her. The real treat casting-wise is the magnificent Shirley Maclaine as the grandmother. You'll get a few laughs and a few tears but I would say if you're itching to spend the $9, buy the book instead.
And on DVD, I bought Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin - The Untold Story thanks to an insatiable obsession with the funniest cartoon in the history of the world. If you are a true fan of this show, you'll find this DVD a little tired and repetitive but it's totally worth a viewing just to hear the cast actually drop F-bombs. And to see Stewie and Brian go on a drinking binge. And to see Bugs Bunny literally slaughtered by Elmer Fudd.

Here it is again. Another first of the month. Where does the time go? And what is it with me and my damn resolutions? I went on a date yesterday so naturally that prompted all of my insecurities about my weight to come rushing back to me full force. At dinner I jokingly warned him I had an eating disorder. It's called "I can't stop." I'm simply not the girl that goes to an Italian restaurant to order a salad. So it pretty much goes without saying that today brings me back to point A on yet another diet. And while I didn't wake up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym like I told myself I would, I'm considering going after work. How's that for being noncommittal? Why is it so hard for a woman to accept compliments on her body? To be secure in her own skin? Why can't we go back to the days when rail thin was considered a sickness and zaftig was not only considered healthy but sexy? There are actually countries where women are force-fed to the point of sickness because their parents want them to be appealing to the opposite sex and improve their chances of getting married off. The elders even go so far to inflict pain on their children in the process should they resist this force-feeding. While I'm not condoning this AT ALL, I find it interesting how different cultures approach weight. Yah, so that concludes my Monday morning rant. Hope all 5 of you have a fantastic work-week.