It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Batman Begins

One word: Go. As a girl I grew up looooving Tim Burton's Batman. All the colors and action was like watching a cartoon come to life. Now as a grown woman and an official "fan-girl" of comic book movies, I'm not so quick to accept toonish images over a creative, intelligent, action-packed storyline. This movie actually humanized Batman and invited the viewer to witness the events that led him to his superhero status. Christian Bale, now in my mind, embodies Batman/Bruce Wayne as Michael Keaton, George Clooney and Adam West never could have. The all-star supporting cast didn't hurt either: Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are seasoned veterans and their very presence validates Batman Begins. The only fault I could find was with Katie Holmes underdeveloped, self important DA character. The idea of her romancing Bruce Wayne didn't register. But forget the acting, the Batmobile, his costume, Wayne Manor, Gotham and the scary maggot-ridden mask of the Scarecrow... Like I said: Go.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Epiphany

Over the weekend I had a lot of time on my hands for thinking. I started seeing a "counselor" on Friday and boy, did she cast some light on my situation. After speaking with her for less than an hour it was as if my goals suddenly shifted and things were so clear. I'm changing focus. I simply can't spend all of my time obsessing about my looks when there is so much more I should be putting my effort into. When I was in high school, my favorite teacher was a Viking of a woman. She was the kindest, warmest adult I had ever had the privilege of having as a mentor. She had a husband, children and a fulfilling career. And she more than likely had cellulite on the statuesque body under her dress. So why am I worried about it. There's someone out there that won't be focused on my body but who I am. And what my body looks like will not prevent me from getting my degree so I can better my professional situation. My counselor told me I'm "angry" and that's the first thing I have to change. Because truth be told, I have absolutely nothing to be angry about.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Small Changes

In a horoscope this morning, it is discussed how easily monumental changes seem to be in popular culture and refers to a librabrian pulling her hair out of a bun and becoming a sex symbol and a superhero's uniform being revealed under a common trenchcoat. But of course, the horoscope states, the largest changes in life start with baby steps. And in this new chapter of my life, that's just what I'd like to do. Start small. There's no need to be an obsessive-compulsive gym go-er as long as I make it there more than I don't. So what if I have a little extra meat on my bones? I'm also not a teenager any more and my body, sadly enough, is apparenlty preparing for alleged childbirthing. That's just nature. I look at my parents and see that I am a combination of them and their flaws and realize that it's OK just to be me. I count my blessings that I am healthy and employed in times where so many aren't. My relationships with family and friends are stable and flourishing. While I have no significant other, when I really stop and look at it, I've been in some kind of "relationship" a lot more than I have been single. What it all boils down to is I have to start being grateful for what is good in my life and not focus so much on what needs to change.

Monday, June 06, 2005

2 Months to Go!

My day started at 5 a.m. for the first time in a long while. I jumped out of bed and immediately got dressed before my temptress of a bed lured me back into her downy warmth. In a little over an hour I was able to knock out some serious sweat inducing cardio and some hip exercises on the weight machine. Now I have that jello-pudding feeling in my thighs that I love so much. I'd rather feel that than see it if you know what I'm saying. Foodwise, so far so good. Small breakie and small lunch. Stocking up on gum to avoid the never-ending bowl of peanut M&Ms that sing to me like sirens. But I won't jump ship this time. And I've decided not to drink for the next 60-odd days. Something's gotta give, right?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Reality Check

As for personal progress, well there hasn't been any. There is, however, still the shock I receive each time I look in the mirror. Are those really my thighs? And when did this double chin show up? Why don't my size 10s fit any more? Cellulite is not pretty. And to really drive that point home, I went to Santa Barbara where every girl is a sun-kissed beach bunny with the most gorgeous tan and teeny tiny body to be found anywhere in Los Estados Unidos. Sigh. Of course I know that it's a college town and many of these goddesses are merely 18 years of age and have yet to experience the Freshman 15 or the body morphing that occurs when one hits her 20s. I know all this. I also know that I love to eat... and not just the food part of it, but the social aspect as well. It's something everyone can do and from what I can see, my compadres and I do it very well. So for now I can only pat myself on the back for taking a couple of long walks this weekend. I've had friends visiting so the gym hasn't been so inviting for the most part but I'll work on it. Tomorrow means 2 months 'til the reunion so I kind of have to be serious about these extra pounds. Not to impress my former classmates per se (though it is an added bonus) but to get back that feeling I had when I knew them last, in my glory days at 18 - that I looked and felt damn good. Probably better than I've felt about myself in a long time.