It's all about me...

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Women's Health

I take a class on Thursday nights to fill a requirement for my ever-elusive associates/bachelor's degree. The professor is a self-proclaimed exercise addict and if she can't motivate someone to get off their keister, well there's simply no hope. She actually has offered to let us sit in on one of her many phys-ed classes and has shown us how to do multiple exercises in the comfort of our own home on more than one occasion. There is nary a hint of body fat on her excellently toned body and the way she talks about physical fitness is truly inspiring. So in class we had to rattle off excuses for why we don't work out regularly (no time, intimidation...) and then she had us list the benefits of exercise. When you see it on the old dry-erase board, you wonder why you wouldn't go to the gym every day. She said, "If I could put all of these benefits in a pill, there's probably no way you wouldn't take it." And she's right. How can you argue with a toned body? Good health? More energy? A complete overhaul on your frame of mind? So today starts anew and I'm just about to put on the tennies for a workout even though there's a hangover hangin' over my head today. Thanks, teacher. You really know what you're talking about.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

In a Funk

I can't blame it on the rain cuz the rain's no longer falling but it sure did have an affect on me as it passed on through. I also can't blame it on lack of sleep because for the past few nights I've been sawin' logs before the double digits rolled around. So what's the deal? Why can't I drag my butt out of bed and go to the gym this week? That alarm sounds at "oh dark early" (that's 5:15 a.m. in my dad's military speak) every morning and I slap that snooze button like it insulted my mama. I even went to the trouble of packing my gym bag before work yesterday with high hopes of going to yoga right as the whistle blew but instead accepted an invitation to stuff my face with delicious mexican food. I am no stranger to this vicious cycle and it's not anything new but I just can't seem to put my finger on why it happens. So I'll do what I always do and say, "Next week, it'll be different."

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Doctor Visit

What a surprise it was for me to go to the doctor's for my annual checkup. For the past year I have been using the bathroom scale at my parents' house to monitor my weight gain and/or loss. I was astonished to see it read 165 on Monday morning and was feeling very desperate because even after cutting back on my sweets and aggressively sticking to my gym plan, I'm right where I started almost two weeks later. What gives? Can I blame my period? The beer? Sheesh. Then came the epiphany that is the doctor's scale. Prior to stepping up on it, I ask the nurse if I should remove my heavy boots and he tells me it won't be necessary. I know some Weight Watcher peeps that will go to meetings in their lightest-weight clothing just to fool the scale and here I am in heavy boots, jeans, a cami and my sweater. So I step on, wincing in anticipation of what he might say. I watch anxiously as he moves that damn sliding weight again and again to find balance. He lands on 164. At 1:30 p.m., after breakfast, an hour-long work out and lunch, fully clothed. 164. So he says, "Looks like you're at about 154." I tell him I could kiss him on the mouth. All this time, the scale I've been using is a whopping 6 pounds over what it should be. That puts me, what, 10 pounds closer to my goal weight? Woo. Hoo. 147 here I come.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Numbers

Why are they so important? Yesterday I was freaking out that 30 is fast approaching yet I still don't feel much different than when I was 18. I guess I'm a little wiser and a little bigger but other than that I'm as big a dork then as I am now. Fresh out of bed today, I stepped on the scale expecting a miracle yet I'm still at 162.5. When I got dressed yesterday morning I was so excited that my jeans were fitting better and my shirt wasn't feeling tight anymore but that number practically wrecked my day. Why? I suppose I could blame my 6 beers last night. See? Why am I counting beers? Sometimes the frustration of not seeing the number that is my weight go down after I know I've been a lot better than I've been in years makes me want to just forget it all and eat a pie. (Get it? Pie? Pi? No?) But only the strong survive so I went to the gym for an hour and a half and burned somewhere in the region of 600 calories. But what does that number mean on the grand scale of things? So far all it means to me is that I hate math.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Family

While I will not use them as a scapegoat for my weight, I will credit them for feeding me well. For instance, recently my mom and I were watching Unwrapped on the Food Network. This show gives away all the industry's little secrets on snacks and goodies. This particular feature happened to be about a couple of many weaknesses: ice cream and birthday cake. Naturally, I expressed my craving by saying, "I want cake." Now, most people would probably just ignore that little outburst but what does my mom do? She buys me cake. God bless her. This is the same woman who bought me Reese's Snack bars (that consist, by the way, of Reese's peanut butter, Hershey's chocolate, rice cereal and marshmallows) when I asked her for granola bars I could snack on at work. She claimed these "cereal bars" had less calories than all the others. They also happen to be the size of my thumb. But I digress. Today, I had lunch with my grandparents. It started out so well with a cup of delicious,homemade, minestrone soup and a half of a tuna sandwich. Naturally my Gran was shocked that I didn't want a whole sandwich but covered with, "That's ok, more room for dessert." Dessert with lunch? Not only that, but 2 options: strawberries with sweet cream or peach slices over angel food cake. Yum. Thank goodness I had the willpower to say no. And just in case I didn't, I had Grandpa there to reinforce it by agreeing wholeheartedly with me when I declined her offer by saying I had to watch it because I'd gained too much weight. With family like this, who needs enemies?

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Sturdy

That was an adjective my uncle used once to describe me. There are lots of subtle hints that you've put on a few that just seem to go right over your head when you're in denial. Once a co-worker said my upper arms reminded him of his Jewish grandmother. If you can't visualize that, picture your 60ish 2nd grade teacher in a sleeveless shirt wiping down the blackboard with an eraser. You know the one. Then there was the time a girlfriend and I were shopping and I was holding a skirt that was absolutely my size and she gasped, "That skirt is HUGE put it back!" Ouch. And speaking of shopping, what about the little lies you tell yourself when trying on jeans? "They must cut these different" or "There's no way these are size (fill in the blank)." Yah, it's not pretty. Just like when I'm walking I can sometimes feel that something extra I have in that area under my shoulder blades and above my hip (popularly known in some circles as "backfat") touching with each step.... I simply shudder at the thought.
On a more positive note though, I went all day without a dessert item touching these lips. It's just too bad that damn tamale had to come along and ruin everything.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I Ain't No Superwoman

My mom is always telling me that my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Like when we went to dinner and I wanted to order soup, salad, my meal and a dessert. My best friend is always telling me that I expect too much from people. Like how I expect return phone calls and responses to the emails I send. Well Lent has taught me that I set my sacrifices WAY too high. In less than a week, the only part of my lofty aspirations I've stuck to is not drinking soda and going to the gym 5 days a week. It's not too shabby I suppose. I've definitely cut WAY back on my eating. There surely isn't a bowl of ice cream putting the period at the end of the sentence that is my day. So yes, I've had some random sweets, it's true. I was able to walk past Valentine's day treats in the office ALL DAY yesterday only to give in and have three tiny cookies with little red and pink hearts in them after dinner... and an hour of Yoga. Maybe I expected a little too much of me this time.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Oh Cupid

I have certain feelings about today's holiday. Call me bitter, but after being dumped twice on this loviest of days, I tend to think it's all a bunch of baloney. But naturally, being the hypocrite I am, I donned my red shirt and heart jewelry and passed out little Valentine's Day candies to all of my coworkers. Candies I can't eat, let the record show. Shameful really. And what did I do last night? I went to see a romantic comedy of all things. I tend to be a bit cynical when it comes to movies in general but chick flicks truly bring out the worst in me. Hitch happened to be a movie I chose to see because it is filmed in Manhattan (my favorite city) and stars Kevin James, my crush and quite possibly one of the funniest human beings on earth. And I definitely fell more in love after seeing him play such a puppy dog of a man. However, how many soliloquies about love can one girl listen to? What man tells a woman that falling in love is like taking a leap and falling (after being thrown off of her moving car no less) and she gives him the strength to fly? Come on. Can't romance just be realistic? Oh well... at least it was good for a chuckle hearty enough to hurt my friend's ears. You know who you are...

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Good Day!

I am proud to say that I stepped on the scale this morning to the pleasant surprise that I have lost 2 lbs. since Wednesday. Not too shabby considering my indulgences of late. So how do I reward myself? By dragging my lazy butt to the gym on a Sunday of all days. But I guess that's just the way it's got to be for now. I wonder sometimes when my weight became such a hot topic but it seems that nary a day can pass without discussing it at least once with at least one person. By all means, I am not unhealthy. I'm definitely on the lowest-end of the BMI scale of overweightness. I failed to mention prior to this that I'm a significant 5'8" and from what my Gran tells me, it's good I have my height to hide those extra pounds. I "carry it well" so to speak. Thank God for Gran. Her mission in life is to see that I'm well fed yet she constantly obsesses about how fat so-and-so has become. Life is just full of ironies I suppose.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Obstacle 1: Special Occasions

So it's definitely possible that I am weak. But are there exceptions to a rule? Por ejemplo: a young lady in my office made special hand-dipped chocolate strawberries to celebrate Valentine's day... We went to dinner to celebrate my grandparents' 58th anniversary... Is it rude to decline a dessert during a celebration? Can I honestly say to someone that took extra time to make me a treat that I can't eat it because I said I wouldn't in honor of a holiday that I'm not religiously celebrating? No. I can't. Did I decline sharing a sundae with my soon-to-be-80 year old Gran to prove I'm strong? No. But will I go out tomorrow and stuff my face with candy and ice cream like Sundays in the past? No I will not. So while it may seem like a justification for succumbing to temptation, I consider it being courteous. However, when another woman brought me tiny, bite-sized chocolate bars to express her gratitude when I distributed her check, I kindly gave them away. See? I can be strong... it just has to be in the right context.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Ash Wednesday

Well it was yesterday... but I digress. For most of you this is a religious holiday that kicks off Lent. For me it's just a day to start a personal challenge. It's a 40-day countdown to Easter where, at least in my quasi-Catholic family, we've traditionally given up something we really love so we can relate to The Big JC's sacrifice. Last year, I decided to give up candy and sodas and this year I kicked it up a notch.
See, I looked in the mirror and realized I didn't like what was reflected. Weigh-in was a whopping 165.5 (a personal high for me) and there are some pictures of me in my chonies that you just don't need to see but really drive the point home. My "sacrifice" this year isn't just candy & sodas, but all delicious desserts and life's little pleasures. I'm also doing an hour at the gym at least 5 days a week so I guess you can say I'm also sacrificing some serious "me" time. My goal is to lose 20 lbs. in 6 months so that when I show up to my 10-year high school reunion, that I also happen to be hosting, I will be back to the weight I claimed on my driver's license: a slim & trim 147.
So if you happen to be reading this... welcome to my little journey, my daily documentation. When I succeed you can cheer with me and if I fail you can mock me if you like.
:) Have a nice day.